


Desperate Measures

by Nelja-in-English (Nelja)



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: A Bit of Dipper and Mabel, A bit of Abuelita, A bit of Mermando, A bit of Soos, A bit of Stanley Pines, Apologies, Begging, Birds, Blood, Crying, Denial, Depowered Bill Cipher, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Getting Back Together, Giant Snake, Humor, Hypnotism, M/M, Marking, Now with an illustration on chapter 2, Poison, Post-Canon, Power Swap, Prison, Rescue, Sadism, Sensory Deprivation, Solitary Confinement, Some Gnomes, Spells & Enchantments, Stan O' War II, Triangle Bill Cipher, Trolls, Truth Spells, Variations on Ancient Egyptian Religion, attempted genocide, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:44:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10139540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelja/pseuds/Nelja-in-English
Summary: Bill has lost his powers, and is unlucky enough to meet Ford. To get out of it alive, he will need to apologize very nicely. Even if he doesn't want to.And even if it works, he has to keep pretending to be nice, and living with people who hate him for pesky reasons. But he'll escape! One day... Maybe...





	1. Beggars and Choosers

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was "Ford/Bill, grovelling for forgiveness. Either of them apologizes to the other, very very humbly."
> 
> But I loved this setting, so I wrote more of it! It's a WIP now! :-)

It couldn't be worse, Bill thinks.

He very nicely asked the Axolotl for a second chance. He expected at least to start again from the beginning in the Nightmare Dimension. He hoped for an immediate opportunity for revenge, in this very world.

And now, he's powerless, and a plaidypus tried to eat him.

He had such nice plans! Of course, everyone in Gravity Falls hates him. Of course, he can't leave because of what the traitor Stanford Pines called the _weirdness magnet_. But he just has to find someone who doesn't know about him. Someone who wasn't in town at the time. Maybe a child on holiday. He kind of remembers the stupid faces on his stone statues. He can find one who was not here.

And then he will teach them to use magic, because it's so frustrating, he's so devoid of powers he can't even use magic spells when _humans can_. It will be free, at first. And when he has made a "friend", he can start asking...

Right. For now, the plaidypuses are gone, so he can act and keep the nice dreams for later. He gets out his astutely arranged heap of autumn leaves, and tries to find a good hiding place, where he can watch the town and the town can't watch him. No one can know he's here; otherwise, he'll have all the witch hunters trying to burn him and drown him at the same time, with maybe an exorcism and some rotten tomatoes to add spice.

Bill should have been their god, and now he's tiny and helpless, and he hates every one of them.

Walking a bit on the lane, he hears some heavy footsteps. Not a child, for sure. He dives under another heap of leaves. Some of them are yellow. Some of them have angles. None of them have eyes but he hides this side. He can't find a better hiding place, well, not right now!

Just a quick glance... oh, he'd recognize these dirty boots everywhere, even before looking up! It's Stanford Pines. Bill's anger flares, because this human tricked him and hurt him. You belonged to me, he thinks, you promised you were mine.

And then, just as the boots almost disappear at the horizon, the human turns back, and as Bill sees his blazing eyes, he knows Ford saw him.

NOW it couldn't be worse.

The human kicks Bill's leaves, making them fly around, and Bill with them. And then he dives and catches Bill in his hands, who hadn't even the time to flee, because his legs were too short. He can't lose like this. He can't die like this.

"I'm sorry," he cries out.

Ford looks at Bill like he had just spawned a second eye. He still holds him firmly, but not like he's planning to break him in the following second. That's progress. Then he meets his eyes, and no, there's not so much progress.

"I'm very sorry," he tries again, but he already knows he has to do better. Stanford Pines may have been once a gullible fool with stupid feelings for him, but now he knows him, he hates him, and it will be hard to play. "I should have never lied to you. I regret so much and I hate this feeling but I still do. I should have never hurt you."

"Yeah," Stanford replies. "Too bad you have. For me and for you."

"Please forgive me!" It hurts to ask. Bill feels humiliated, captive in these huge six-fingered hands, making himself feel even weaker with his own words, and still part of him loves the game, love the risk and the high stakes and his almost nonexistent assets, except his ability to play with a human's brain and heart. "Kill me if you want, just tell me that you'll forgive me afterwards."

"Why are you even alive in the first place?" Stanford asks, voice full of contempt and rage, but he does ask, he does want a reply from him, and that's something. "I destroyed my brother... my brother's memories to end you."

"I was given a second chance." Almost-lying is truly what he does best. Also, understanding what's unsaid. Ford didn't say this with as much pain as he should. "Like your brother did. I can live again, but I have to be conscious of my sins and atone for them." OK, now he's totally lying. The concept of sin is so totally... cultural, because _absurd_ would make it sound too cool. "But I have no idea how to do it. Tell me, Stanford Pines. If my apologies mean nothing to do, tell me what will. Do you want to hurt me?"

He can see it in Stanford's eyes. Some kind of dark emotional lust. The human tries to hides it, tries to shake it away, but it's still here.

And these dark instincts are maybe the only reason why Bill is still alive, the only leverage he's got, the only reason why Stanford was kind of interesting too, so Bill won't complain about it in the least. He will let it out and grow it. He will have fun with it and even bear any abuse - he can appreciate pain when there’s no danger - until it turns into guilt again, because he knows Ford Pines. And he can always work with guilt.

"I'd let you, of course," he says. "I mean, even if I wasn't powerless in your hands. I owe you that and more. I broke your heart. I tried to do worse to your world, but well, you stopped me, you fixed it. This you couldn't fix, and I can't do it, either."

"Anyway," Ford says, in a carefully controlled voice. "You can't roam free, Bill Cipher. I'll put you in containment."

Well, he knew he couldn't win this one. But maybe he can turn this into an opportunity. "You'll tell me how I can do better, though? Not only to you, but for atoning to the others, to the world? You'd know this, right?"

Because appealing to Ford's dark side will never be enough, it was just a last chance try. But his thirst to be useful, to show that he knows something - this is stronger. This will be useful.

"I don't know if you ever can, Bill." Ford says, and he doesn't say Bill can't, so yeah, that’s progress too.

"I'm so sorry." Bill says again.

"How many times do you intend to say it?" Ford started walking towards the Shack again. He still holds Bill very hard.

"I'll beg for your forgiveness every day," Bill replies, "more if you want me to," and Ford's hand shake a little.

And Bill knows the human will fail, he knows that one day he can be free again. If he survived this, he can survive everything Ford will throw at him.

He just hope that in the process, he gets the chance to break Ford's heart again, even just a little bit.


	2. Eye of the Beholder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an illustration at the end of this chapter, I commissioned the wonderful Skyriazeth for it (she also writes fic on this site!)

"How's your brother?" Bill asks. He tries to sounds concerned rather than desperate for information.

"His memories have almost returned, no thanks to you." That’s more or less what Bill had guessed. Also, what does Ford know? For all that Bill cares, it could be his decision to take a second chance which healed the human. He won't mention it yet. Ford could get angry.

"He was very heroic, sacrificing himself to save you and the children." He doesn't want to make Ford angry, or maybe... just a little? Whatever makes Ford’s fingers twist against his frame. Also, it's time to show he understands how do-gooders think. "Will you tell him I'm back?"

He says it like he's eager for it, hoping that Ford distrusts him enough to do the reverse. He can control Stanford Pines given enough time, he's sure of it, and soon he'll be playing him like the old xylophone he is. Stanley Pines is another matter.

"Of course!" Ford says. It's quite bad. Seems Bill can’t hide.

"Wouldn't it be sad if he learnt his sacrifice was for nothing?"

"Nothing? I don't see it this way. Look at the state you're in, Bill. The world and the children are no longer in danger, are they?" Ford's voice is cold, with just a hint of playfulness, and it hurts, it really hurts, even more than the possibility that Stan will squish him and his humiliation will all be pointless.

"Yes, you're right," Bill says, very humbly. Actually, he's seething. If Stan decides to kill him, Bill hopes he'll have the time to scream his hatred for them and how much he wishes Stan sexual encounters with a wereduck. "I just wanted to be your secret, I guess."

Ford pretends he's certain about his choice, but he sure feels nervous as he gets near the Mystery Shack. Well, Bill would rather call it his temple than by this stupid name. The triangular windows are still here at least.

And all of a sudden he gets pulled off Ford's hand.

It hurts. He's free - no, of course he's not. He's just on his legs. If he runs, he will forever lose the bit of credibility he has with Ford.

"You have... your house is still demon-proofed!" he shouts. His voice is shrill. Also, he's still a demon, even if he can do nothing. How useless can the Axolotl be? Does he know how many points in Ford's goodwill effortlessly passing the barrier would have given him? Probably, and he did it on purpose!

"Of course," Ford says. Still cold as winter in dimension 13. "I'm getting you into the bunker, then. It's better this way."

"It's not better! I want to be with you!"

At last he won't meet Old Fez right now. But the words escaped by themselves. And it seems to make Ford think.

"The best, of course, would be to briefly open the barrier and get you inside. This way you couldn't leave."

 _I won't need to leave_ , Bill thinks. _I promise you, if I stay alive, soon you'll be opening the door for me._ "Do it," he says. "Go and open it. I'll stay here. I'll wait for you." He will do it. Now that Ford knows he's back, he'd rather take his chances at being a good triangle.

But Ford looks at him with distrust, "Sure thing," and calls Stan with his phone. He tells Stan that he has bad news. Soon someone will show him bad news!

When Stan comes, Bill gets more scared and angrier than he should. This is the man who punched him to death, even if he knows Ford was the one to pull the trigger. Ford explains that he found Bill powerless, but he doesn't mention his lies about seeking redemption. This is their secret at least.

"I'm going to briefly open the field," Ford says. "Come with the demon when I call you, please. In the meantime, do whatever you want with him, I guess."

Bill wants to scream: _You can't do that to me, Sixer! Just because I play being yours, you think you can give me away! Even I never did this to you!_

He realizes right now that it could have been better if Ford explained his redemption plans. He's not sure he can deceive the other twin. He'll have to try anyway.

They wait in silence. Already Ford can no longer hear what they say.

"You should be dead," Stan says, harsh but calm.

"I'm sorry for what I did to your brother," Bill says, quite obsequiously. Even if Old Fez doesn't believe it, he can't afford divergent stories.

Stan still raises his foot, and violently stomps on him. Bill can't hold back a tiny screech, but the foot stops, maybe a centimeter from him, and Stan laughs.

"It's not true and you should be dead anyway. I could kill you at any time, and I will if you get dangerous or hurt my brother. But not right now, because I'm kind of a jerk, and being like this is worse than death to you. So it was true, eh? No powers? If I was still managing the Shack I'd put you here as an attraction. Townsfolk could pay to throw rotten tomatoes at you."

Oh, Bill hates him so much! Also, he's frustrated, because how dare Stan test him when he was telling the truth on his powerlessness? How dare he understand him better than Ford does? But then again... Bill loves to live, really, even this way. Especially when he's sure it's just a bad pass.

"I still hope he gets smart and kills you, though," Stan concludes. And that's it.

Bill has to do something about him, maybe turn the brothers against each other again. But very subtly, otherwise Old Fez will really squash him this time.

Ford calls for them. Stan takes him by the hat like he was some disgusting bug, and takes him beyond the barrier. Then, Bill guesses, he makes it work again and Bill is trapped here. Not that he will check.

Ford thanks Stan and gets Bill back. He holds him very differently, Bill realizes now. Also with the tip of his fingers, but pinching his body, alternating moments where he grips hard and moments he realizes he was gripping too hard. And Bill sees he could actually touch his fingers. He wonders if Ford would notice.

Once they get to Bill's home - yeah, he was welcome here once! - Ford understands he doesn't know what he wants to do with him. He doesn't want to talk to him, or at least he pretends he doesn't. He doesn't want to beat him to a pulp, or at least he pretends he doesn't. So he does the cliché thing, and starts taking some measurements.

Height, weight, density, all useless things! It doesn't even count, since Bill _should_ be able to change them as he wants! Even if he's hard or heavy as gold or leaves or flesh, he's still more than that! When Ford puts him in water to measure his volume, Bill pretends to drown. His imitation is good. Many people were drowned to please him, he knows how it looks like.

"I couldn't imagine..." Ford says, pulling him out of the water. He doesn't say sorry but he seems contrite and it's good. Of course he couldn't. If he listened to his reason rather than his emotions, he could understand Bill did fake it, that he fakes spitting water right now. Not that Bill with complain about his gullibility, of course. He never did.

Ford even believes it so much that when he leaves for dinner, he doesn't puts him in a jar, but in a birdcage Stan used for false cryptids. And that's good news, because Ford hasn't really appreciated how much Bill is tiny and flat. Or maybe he thinks Stan would buy a high quality cage. The fact is, Bill can slip between the cage and the door, and no one will know.

Later at night, he looks at Ford's sleeping face, bathed in moonlight. Sixer doesn't seem afraid. He doesn't know Bill is here. Even when Bill lightly touches his face, it's like he doesn't feel it. He doesn't wake up.

The frustrating thing is, even if he knew, he'd had no reason to be afraid. Bill can't lift a knife or anything that would make him dangerous. At best he could find a needle, heat the tip, and burst Ford's eye. But of Course Ford would kill him for this, and making the human a one-eye freak like he is isn't worth it.

It occurs to him that if he entered Ford's mouth, he could actually choke him. This is a far more engaging idea, but still not worth the life he's still got.

He wants to give him nightmares. He wants power over him. He wants Ford to kneel before him again.

He touches his neck, turns his eye into a mouth, and stabs him with his teeth.

At least he tries. But he can't even break the skin. So he just sucks on his skin hard, feeling almost a taste of blood. Ford doesn't wake up even now, but Bill hopes he dreams of bloodsucking bats and snakes and spiders and pretty vampires. He hopes he dreams about him.

It seems he can do nothing tonight. He gets back in the cage, where he will plan other plans for the next nocturnal escapades.

He feels more hopeful, even a bit less frustrated, now that Ford bears on his neck a red mark of his making.


	3. Old Ghosts

If Ford sees what Bill did, he doesn't mention it. Actually, he doesn't mention anything interesting. He talks about building a boat with his brother. Bill doesn't care, but pretends to. He pretends not to notice that Ford talks about Stan only to make clearer that he no longer care about Bill.

He suspects Sixer and Old Fez regularly have big conversations about him, interesting ones, outside of the force field keeping him captive. His life depends on those conversations, and he wants to listen to them. What if they told everyone he's back? Are there some people out there who'd want to kill him? The right question is: how many?

This is one of the annoying moments where Ford doesn't seem to be interested in him. How dare he? He’s been obsessed with him for so many years, he can’t just stop!

“Hey, Sixer,” he asks. "You were meant to help me in becoming good, aren’t you? You're the one who can do it!"

Ford nods noncommittally.

When Bill first mentioned this redemption bullshit, it was just the first thing that came in his head in order to save his life. But now, he really wants it to sound true. He wants Ford to fully believe in it, to be invested in it. Also, working together will give him so many opportunities.

"Please tell me what I should do. I've been doing everything you asked of me." Ford didn't ask a lot, actually: he’s been relying on his brute strength to restrain Bill. "I won't stop obeying you. But it's not enough, isn't it? Unless you ask me to do some good things. I'm not good at recognizing them - since I’m a demon, you know - but I'll follow your lead. Just ask me to help you. What good have you done since you stopped me?"

The human seems on edge. Moral high ground is so fun! Bill can understand, after all, why Fordsy loves it so much, and these stupid unicorns too.

"You don't get to… the good I’m doing right now is about my relationship with my brother, it’s the most important thing, and it’s private."

"What good would you do if all of your family was dead and gone, then? If you didn’t save them?”

He went too far. He can see it right now. Ford was pretending not to be affected until now, probably too hard. And now he towers over him, raging mad.

"I meant," Bill hates how his voice get naturally shrill and scared, how he doesn't have to pretend. "I meant, _my_ family is dead because of _me_! I didn't want to insinuate!" He totally did, but he's back-tracking fast. "It's just what I've done! They are gone, all of them!"

Ford stopped. He still looks at him like he wants to hurt him badly. No matter the reason, Bill is the last of his species, so if Ford kills him, it's technically genocide. It already was last time, and that was not even the part Ford was sad about! Bill will make sure to tell him if he has to live his last moments.

"Are you sorry for that?"

Of course he's not. "They would be dead by now anyway..." he says with an uncertainty he doesn't feel.

"Say you're sorry!" Ford shouts. It’s like he’s particular about world destruction, these days.

"I'm sorry!" Bill screams. "I shouldn't have done that!" Technically, he did this for power, so it was sort of useless, since it's all gone and there's no one left to sacrifice to get it back. But he sure won't tell Ford that. "But I can do nothing about it, now !" More softly, he says, “Tell me the wrong I have done which has lasting effects here, so I can try to make it right!"

And then, Ford doesn't want to show it, but he gets less angry, more sad. He won't say that his heart is the place where Bill's ways did the most damage. But he can't help thinking it.

It's so funny. Bill hasn't even to make efforts to wake up his old ghosts. He's every one of them. 

At seventeen, Stanford built a perpetual motion machine and thought he had banished entropy from his life, but he didn't account for his brother. Bill is almost happy these two old humans have made up, because how he's the everlasting entropy in Ford's soul, the only chaos of his life.

"I'm really sorry I hurt you," he adds. He can see it working. Ford is so predictable, he needs so much healing he can't get. He'd take anything. "I lied to you too. Not only about us, but when I wanted you to build a Portal, I lied about scientific things. The ones you couldn't check. Nothing big, but I didn't want you to lose your time on it ! But now I _can_ tell you the truth about all of them! This is something I can fix!"

Also, it won't cost him anything.

Ford puts his hand on his forehead. "You lied to me..."

 _That part has been clear for years_ , Bill thinks. _Don't look surprised_. "Yeah, but meanwhile you got it right about the force field and the origin of weirdness, I had assumed you had guessed the other things too. For instance, I was lying about the Manotaurs. They don't get actual cows pregnant at mating season. They actually have a queen, like bees or ants, but I didn't want the hassle to get you to visit her."

"I have to note this down. Wait, how can I be sure you're telling the truth this time?"

"Well, I have no reason to lie to you any longer! Or you can go see them and check, for all that I care! You're a badass action hero now, so why would I try to hold you back? I'm trying to do something good here!"

Ford did believe him when he lied, and now he distrusts him when he tells the truth! It's so much like him, and it's very frustrating. Actually, Bill hopes Ford will check. It will buy him some measure of trust, and also, it will mean Ford cares about what he has to say.

And then Bill starts to talk, talk, and talk again, he wants to tell him all the truth, and he wants Ford to admit it's the truth! The human quickly takes notes, and after a while, Bill can see he's smiling.

He has a good feeling about that. It smells like victory. Not that Fordsy is happy, of course; this part is annoying and Bill will rectify this as soon as he has his powers back. It's only good because it means that Bill still knows him, that he remembers what Ford loves and needs. 

Bill was Ford's life once. He was the one to make him laugh and cry and fight and dream. It's not really over, he just has to find the good levers...

"Also, as for the mailman, you were right, but it wasn't that important. By the way, there's a werewolf lair in the hills, and he's the less dangerous of them, they are..."

He can't remember.

He could in the past, or he always could use his universal vision, but that power disappeared with the rest. He thought it was still here - he thought a memory of omniscience was like omniscience, but...

"I don't know!" he yells.

"Well, that's not really a problem, it's not the most important detail..."

"It is a problem! I'm supposed to know everything! It's like... like if you had access to a perfect encyclopedia all the time, and one day it was stolen from you! Destroyed! Burnt to the ground!"

It seems he has successfully translated the problem to a feeble human mind, because Ford does seem a little empathetic. Which is weird, since he just lost his source of knowledge too, so he should be sorry for himself. But, well, he didn't even believe Bill was honest with him. This explains that.

It's ridiculous! he remembers he lied to Ford this day, but he can't even remember the truth! He can still see the delight and the longing in the human's eyes, all these years ago. So why can't he remember everything?

"It's over. I'm no longer playing," Bill shouts.

Then he realizes that Ford is still looking at him. Intrigued, maybe? But not in joy, not in fear, not in worship, so Bill doesn't care... No, he still cares! Ford can be his way out of this pitiful state, and he only needs it more desperately.

"Well, I don't want to. I hate not remembering. Do you still want me to try, though?" He feels like a wolf crawling in submission, showing his weakness, he hates it.

"We can certainly stop for today, if you want to," Ford says. His voice is cold, but not in a bad way. Like he has to remind himself he should sound cold.

Bill needs his power back, as soon as possible. So he plays the good triangle again, and as Ford puts him back into his cage, he refrains from biting him as hard as he can.


	4. In a Vacuum

Nights are long. Bill won’t leave his cage before he’s sure Ford is lost in deep sleep. He intently watches over him, hoping that his breathing will slow down, or at least that it will become ragged and short as Ford has a nightmare about Bill and calls his name in his sleep.

At the same time, he tries to count the things he remembers. There are too many for him to list, but the feeling persists that he misses even more. 

He has clear memories of watching Ford working here, at this time when he was writing and thinking and living just for Bill. The traitor threw away the pyramid-shaped paperweight, of course. The bodyswap carpet - Experiment 78 - is no longer here. Bill checks his memories. He was watching when Pine Tree asked Old Fez to dispose of it, but of course the stupid human was too soft to throw away something of Fordsy. After a few half-hearted attempts to throw it in the Bottomless Pit, he just put it on display on his false weirdness museum as the oldest retired no-longer-flying carpet in the world.

Which means it’s still here.

Bill thinks about it, briefly. Then he thinks about it longer. If he could get Fordsy on it - once they’d change their bodies, he would crush his tiny useless body with Ford inside it. Then he would…

No, not good. Ford needs to know who beat him and how, he needs a long time to reflect on it. He would need to be told again and again that he lost, that Bill was inside his body again. He would need to understand that he was the one relying only on Bill’s pity now. Bill would keep him from talking to anyone, he would put the cage where no one can hear him. Maybe he’d just silence Ford with magic, once he can do magic again. He would touch Ford, and lick him, and bite into him, everything a human body can do, and Fordsy wouldn’t be able to fight back or even protest, but he would feel it this time...

And then if Bill is too tired of playing nice and nerdy, and someone - maybe Pine Tree- notices, he’ll say “you’re right, I’ve probably been influenced by Bill in spite of my precautions. He can be so insidious. I was wrong to keep him even for the sake of science. Maybe you’d like to kill him yourself?”

It’s a very nice fantasy. Bill plays it again a few times, with minor variations, until Ford seems asleep.

Then he gets out the cage and under the door, and creeps down the stairs.

The carpet is still here, rolled with the active side hidden, and kept vertical by ropes. There’s no way Bill can touch them, even less unknot them. But he remembers there’s still a goat in this house, and goats eat everything.

That’s the beginning of a plan, at least. Not very nice to Fordsy, as plans go, for sure, but hey, if he’d played his part and fallen head over heels for Bill again, they wouldn’t be here.

Then Bill hears a terrifying noise, and is propulsed into a dimension of horror and dust. He screams.

All right, maybe he exaggerated. Or maybe a dimension of horror and dust would have actually been better.

“Hello, young delinquent, I recognize you. You turned me into a chair.”

It’s Question Mark’s grandmother with her abominable vacuum cleaner - the one Bill was just sucked into, losing part of his dignity in the process. What is she doing awake at this hour? Guarding the carpet just to annoy Bill, that’s what! He’d like so much to make her a chair again!

“It was the only nice thing you did. Actually quite comfy and relaxing.” Bill mentally crosses it out of his to-do list. She keeps talking. “I’ve seen people more evil than you.” She is becoming quite offensive here. “But my grandson is of another mind. I read his diary, and I’ve never seen him hate someone before you. It must be seeing Mister Pines looking at him and not recognizing him.” She pauses. “That’s why I won’t offer you tea.”

Bill won’t lower himself to spit, to her face, that he doesn’t care about her tea. Also, she would probably think he was lying. Why do humans never believe Bill? He’s not really a liar, he just likes presenting the truth in an original light, but not as much as he likes maniacally laughing and being himself! This lack of trust is just prejudice.

“I just have to bring you to him once he’s awake. He was thinking about getting superpowers and grinding you to dust.” she concludes.

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Bill hastily explains. “I’m good now. That’s the reason I no longer turn people into statues even when they put me in a vacuum cleaner.”

“I guess that for the same reason you won’t teleport away.” Bill is almost sure she’s mocking him.

Question Mark is stupid as an egg, but that’s the very reason why Bill can’t convince him he’s good now. He wouldn’t even understand the words even if it were true, and it’s incredibly unfair. Bill _could_ probably convince him that he’s just your average gnome turned into a triangle by accident, but not if the old woman is here and watching it like an episode of _Sunset Planet_. How powerless is this form, that Question Mark can be a real danger? He feels so humiliated. He notes him - and Grandma Question - in the long list of the revenges he has to take.

“Sure.” he says, and jumps, catching one of her fingers. She looks a tiny bit surprised, but quite soon starts cleaning again.

Not only this tiny body can’t do magic, but it can’t even outrun an old hag! Bill weighs his options. If he was still all-knowing, he’d pretend to have already switched bodies with her. Fordsy could believe that, Question Mark could believe that. Of course she’d protest, but no one would be able to tell she’s not the lying one. But now Bill wouldn’t hold up against a well done interrogation. How does she dare to know her own private life better than Bill does!

So he has just an possibility left, and he doesn’t like it one bit.

As Grandma Question vacuums around the right direction, he escapes her and jumps. He has just enough strength to press the setting-changing button, and then he jumps again in front of the hose, which now blows upwards.

Having his weight taken was about as fun as watching dishwashing tournaments, but it sure has its uses. He’s very light. Just as planned, Grandma Question is not fast enough to stop him, and he gets to first floor by the air push alone. Unfortunately, the worst is yet to come.

Bill runs to Ford’s door and slides under it. But he knows she saw him. Soon she will accuse Fordsy of harboring a triangle.

“Sixer, help me!” he screams.

The human was sleeping but he’s fast awake, assessing the situation at the same time he points his blaster at Bill.

“You escaped,” he says coldly.

“I was bored and I went exploring, that’s all, I swear! But the old one with the vacuum cleaner found me and wants to call her grandson to kill me. Please save me!”

“Mrs Ramirez,” Ford points out, totally missing the point, probably on purpose. “And weren’t you saying you’d take any punishment?”

Bill hears her slow, inexorable steps on the corridor. 

“It’s not the same!” he cries out. “You know it very well. You're the one who’s meant to take revenge on me or to forgive and help me. You're the one who really knows me, because I hurt you more than anyone!”

Ford puts the gun away, takes Bill in his hands. Is it to give him to the terrible old woman, or to get him back in the cage? It shouldn’t even be a question! Ford was meant to be easy! 

There’s a knock at the door.

“I guess now if you give me to her it is your choice and not just an accident, so it’s okay…”

He chokes on this lie, too big even for him. And all of a sudden he can’t keep using logic, and all the other self-imposed shackles Fordsy loves so much. 

“No,” Bill pleads wildly, “it’s not okay at all! It’s too soon, or too late! I have hopes for the future! And I wasn’t even able to tell if I hate you or not for the way you treat me now, nor to make you change your mind!”

His eye stings. He realizes, horrified, that he’s crying. Not only in front of Ford, but in his hands, _on_ his hands. No, it doesn’t work this way! If he stopped crying forever, it should be because he is strong, clever and funny, not because of the powers he won! He’s good at pretending to be helpless, but not that good! 

And he can’t stop. He yells again, to distract Ford from this.

“I don’t want to die like this, a cautionary tale about staying in a cage even when you’re able to leave ! At least kill me yourself if you want me to die, coward!”

“How did you do it?” Sixer asks, his voice sharp. 

At any other moment, Bill would have happily witnessed Sixer’s surge in paranoia, his doubts about Bill never really being depowered. If Fordsy can fear him, it means he still respects him, still looks at him in awe, at least a little. He would have let him imagine scenarios that would have make him shiver.

More knocks at the door, insistent.

But now is really not the time. 

“I will show you! Put me near the cage!”

He’s so angry, as he has to reveal his only way of evasion, that he stops crying. To think that Ford will close it with duct tape or worse!

He’s in the cage when Grandma Question enters the room. At least _she_ didn’t see him cry.

Ford sighs.

“I really should have told you,” he tells the old woman. “I didn’t want everyone to worry.”

“I think so,” she confirms.

“He won’t bother you again,” Fordsy says with a false smile. “Everything is under control now.”

“Are you sure it’s wise?” the old woman asks.

“No. But I’m not sure killing him is wise either. Are you?”

“He’s a pest. But I guess you scientists also have lots of molds or cockroaches in your things. Just keep it where it belongs.”

Ford nods, and even if it means Bill will live for now, it’s so humiliating he can’t really be happy about it. And he has to pretend to be more than this: grateful.

“Thank you,” he croaks once the hag is gone.

“Don’t mention it.”

Bill won’t, but he will think about it though, about this terrible time where he had to ask a human to save his life. Except that… when he thinks about it, he was only in danger because of Ford in the first place, who killed him, depowered him, brought him here and didn’t even get a functional cage for him. So he was just fixing his own mistakes! Already Bill feels a bit better about it. And he’s sure he can forget he cried. There has to be a bright side to forgetting things!

Ford comes over again, and yeah, predictable, duct tape. No escape now.

“So you don’t know if you hate me…” he comments, hesitant.

Of course, the part he has to remember is the one where Bill was tricked into almost saying the truth! He doesn’t reply. Ford seems to want an answer very much? Even better!

“It’s nice to know I’m not the only one,” Ford concludes, before going to bed again.

Well, Bill is sure he hates this man now, if he didn’t already.


	5. Blast from the Past

The day after, Fordsy makes “improvements” on the cage. Less duct tape, but an additional metal grid that blocks any of Bill’s chances for freedom. 

“I can’t even look through it properly,” he protests.

“Is that meant to be a complaint?”

“Do you insinuate that I like looking at you? You’re wrong, I don’t. But the inside of this cage is even worse! It’s so cheap and ugly!”

 _I would have a better cage for you_ , he thinks, but doesn’t say.

Ford dismisses his very relevant protestations and goes to work on the boat with his brother for the morning. Good riddance!

If Ford thinks that it annoys Bill, or that he will get bored, he’s being as stupid as ever! Bill has tons of things to do. Training his memory, for instance!

And he already had all night for this, so it’s not a problem at all if sometimes he spends a longer time in committing to memory a particular scene.

In Bill’s memory, Ford was on his knees, bleeding for him, eyes half-turned in the ecstasy of worship, mouth slightly open, waiting for Bill to do anything to him, hurting him or petting him, putting a treat or investigating fingers in his mouth, and he was _Bill_ ’s, body and soul, and he had to ruin everything with a metal plate in his brain and an armor around his heart.

 _I love you_ , Ford used to say. But it was a lie, of course. If Ford wasn’t able of loving Bill for what he really is, then he never loved him in the first place.

He’d spit it at Ford’s face if he wasn’t afraid of just hearing a mocking laugh.

He’s still lost in old, nice memories when Sixer rudely opens the door, making a huge noise, snapping Bill out of his daydreams. He’s all ready to be offended about it and ask Sixer what his problem is, when he sees Old Fez coming besides him, looking just as angry.

He feels suddenly quite cold and hopes they’re angry at each other, but he can’t really believe it.

“I can’t believe I trusted you !” Ford says with contempt.

“First of all, you never trusted me, that’s why I’m in a cage. What happened?”

“Fucking demon, you will tell me where Soos is right now!” Stan growls, clenching his fists, and for a tiny moment Bill is happy to be under lock and key.

“I have no idea!” Bill honestly replies. He plays so nice that he even forgets to mention it's a miracle if brainless Question Mark never lost himself in a closet before. “Why would I be involved? Hasn’t he a girlfriend or something?” 

“You did feel threatened, you had motive,” Ford starts, but he hasn’t finished his sentence when Old Fez produces a crumpled sheet of paper, asking with contempt. “What is this, bastard?”

It’s a very good question, even if it would be improved with replacing “bastard” with a more appropriate address like “most brilliant god”. Unfortunately, Old Fez is not coherent enough to let him see the paper up close before asking.

“I’m no longer omniscient,” he starts, “but I could probably answer if I got to actually see it.”

“Don’t show it to him, Stan, he’s provoking you,” Ford says in an artificially calm tone. He’s right but still an asshole. “If he doesn’t know yet which one of his accomplices it is, we don’t have to tell him.

“Wait, I have no accomplices in anything! Will someone tell me what happened?”

“Yeah, let’s tell a nice story!” Old Fez says. His voice isn’t nice at all. “Soos went into town this morning to buy food and paint. He never came back, but what did? A message on the road, just after the demon barrier stops, offering to give ‘the human’ back in exchange for your freedom. So, are any of your friends good friends, or are they all assholes like you? Yeah, I thought so.”

“Wait!” Bill starts to panic a bit. He has perfectly good explanations, but he fears that these old humans are blind to the obvious. “It’s impossible!” 

“Ooh?” Stan mocks. “Soos must NOT BE IN DANGER, THEN.”

“You’re right, the demons who worked with me are assholes, every one of them. I know it, I had fun being one too, at the time! They would never ask for you to free me! They would want to take revenge on me because my plan failed and they would search for someone to blame rather than them!”

Yeah, a perfect explanation!

“Technically, he’s right,” Ford notices. “The message just asked for Bill we just assumed it was in a friendly way. It doesn’t change a thing, of course.”

“It totally does!” Bill cries out. “It changes things for me, a lot! What have you already planned when I wasn’t here ?”

They don’t reply. Ford pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I have other reasons to be sure all this is mammoth shit!” Bill claims. “First, my ‘friends’ weren’t attuned to this dimension yet! When my power disappeared and the Rift closed, they were all sucked back into the dimension where we lived. I give them my best wishes by the way, because it was crumbling, and also, when the rumor arises that I’m dead, lots of creatures will be here for a reckoning. But let’s assume one of them was in a cave or something and got stuck here. They wouldn’t even like this only-one-hostage game! They would first destroy the town or something. You assumed they were on my side, are you sure you didn’t assume they were demons too? Lots of creatures kidnap humans. Gnomes! Sasquatches! Fairies! Other humans!”

Old Fez looks more and more like the cage is the only thing preventing him from crushing Bill flat. (Joke on him, Bill is already flat.) But Fordsy seems to be listening and thinking.

“I’m sure you don’t just intend to give me to an asshole kidnapper, whatever he might be, just to get back Soos and let him win!” Bill claims hopefully.

Stan lets out a short laugh. It’s not a kind one. Ford rolls his eyes like Bill underestimated him.

“And I’m _almost_ sure,” Bill says, pushing his luck, “that you don’t intend to do the exchange, then detonate the magical explosives you packed me with and destroying us both.” 

Ford looks a bit taken aback now.

“I knew it,” Bill shouts out. “You’re so predictable, Sixer! What if I was to tell him what you planned?”

“I also brought duct tape for your mouth, just in case.”

Ford smiles; but it’s neither cold nor hiding some hurt. It’s like he’s joking, playing with him, and Bill feels like he can hope. He doesn’t think Ford will really kill him, except if the universe is in the balance or Bill made him very angry. Anyone else could, but not him, not today.

“You know it’s beneath you!” he explains. “Going for the easy way, not minding collateral damage! I hunted you for years, and it was never your style. If I were one of your companions, even one you knew for only one day, you’d rack your mind to find a way to save me and Question Mark both, and you’d probably manage it.”

“Except you aren’t one of us. That’s the whole point,” Old Fez interrupts. “Killing you isn’t an avoidable loss, it’s a net gain. And you say you’re good, but not really interested in actually helping, are you?”

He’s angry. Well, his employee getting stolen must be part of the reason. But it’s not only that. He’s angry because Ford is listening at Bill instead of mocking him or shutting him out. Because Ford is already - and rightfully - convinced it’s not all a big plan Bill made, while Old Fez is still not sure.

Bill can’t really try and convince him to care for the poor innocent trees potentially taken in the explosion; so he ignores him and looks Ford in the eye through the metal grid.

“I’m not saying it’s the worst plan ever!” he lies. “I’m almost okay with it. But let’s make it plan B! Or C! Or, what about letters from another language?”

“What are you proposing for plan A?” Ford asks, tense.

It’s a good thing Bill has no mouth for now, because if they saw him smile, they’d take it the wrong way for sure.

“Show me the letter! I’m sure you’d actually recognize gnomes, Sixer, but maybe with the writing and the wording I could know who sent it and devise a trap without explosives, for their weaknesses only. I know a lot of things, okay? I was virtually omniscient until last month, it counts for something!”

Old Fez glares at Bill. Ford seems to hesitate, then he relents.

“OK. Show us what you’ve got, Bill.”

Old Fez reluctantly lets Bill read the letter after Ford opens the cage door.

If Bill was alone with Ford, he’d play Sherlock Holmes, asking Ford what he already understood and then surpassing him with ease. But he has the nagging feeling Old Fez won’t appreciate it, so he plays it boring.

The message is short and to the point, asking for a meeting near the lake at nightfall, Bill in exchange for the human, both alive. It’s English cursive, very nicely written, and Bill is quite sure none of the Henchmaniacs could write like this.

At least, none of the most recent ones.

He looks at the ink more in detail. It wasn’t traced with a quill. Isn’t it the mark of a scale here? OK, he already knew, of course, but now he’s sure.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?” he asks in a light and assured tone.

“Just spit it out, Cipher,” Stan replies.

“Pfff, no fun. The bad news is that Appy is a very powerful demon indeed, clever, and he hates my guts. The good thing is that I’m the multiverse-class specialist in defeating him. Now, gentlemen, let’s get to work!”

“When have you been fighting demons?” asks an incredulous Ford. “In your free time, when you’re not trying to invade our dimension ?”

Bill is very annoyed that his rousing and witty speech didn’t leave everyone in awe. He replies in a very sweet and slightly patronizing voice.

“You know, before trying to invade dimensions, I used to give wizards and kings proofs of my helpfulness and good will. Magical rituals against demons make good bargaining material.”

And then he adds, in even softer words that Stan can’t hear. “You were the only one who accepted being paid in kisses.”

He’s very satisfied when Ford gets so embarrassed that he can’t reply for a few seconds. It’s just the right time to explain all the ways to defeat an old enemy. Another one.


	6. Happy Snake

So, they have passed the anti-demon barrier, then Grandma Question reinstalled it, and Appy wasn't waiting for this precise moment to enter! He's so stupid! Or maybe not, since they had a specific ward against him waiting a few yards later, but he could have tried. Let's say he's very clever or very stupid, and well, Bill would bet on the second one.

In truth, he is nervous.

He told the twins everything he knew, except for the personal details no one cares about, and he's confident he can still build a good plan. But the thing is, when he sent people against Appy, if they won one time out of five, it was enough. But now, he's on the team, and all of a suddenly these chances seem less good.

On one hand, Sixer is badass and already managed things that looked far worse. But he would be able to fail just this time, just to annoy Bill. Typical!

Ford is wearing his goggles. Bill explained: Appy can hypnotize people, but to do this, he needs to look them into the eyes. Two eyes. That's why it doesn't work on Bill, except when he's unfortunately possessing a human, but it was too much of a shameful story to tell. So Old Fez has got his eyepatch, and Ford put duct tape inside his own goggles to seal one of the lenses. It's good because Appy won't be able to see that he can't even try.

Stan is not with them. He's taken another way to the lake, and if Appy doesn't know he's here and can be surprised, it's better for everyone. Except him.

Bill is in the cage, hanging from Ford's belt. They put the explosives in it. Plan B. But they also removed the new metal grid, so he can try and flee before it's too late. He only looks like a prisoner. But he still doesn't like it one bit.

"Hey, Sixer," he says, because the atmosphere has become too heavy. "Are you annoyed I don't know everything anymore ? Are there some things you really wanted to know, and won't, ever?"

"Well, did you at one point know how to fix cancer? Global warming? World politics?"

"Haaa, no, that was never possible. Or rather, I had the only solution when I almost conquered the world. But it had its drawbacks. You know." He's forced to add this precision, but he doesn't mean it, of course. He would have made this world better, if only because it can hardly get worse.

"I thought so," Ford replies, a bit on the ironic side. It's still an oddly peaceful conversation.

The autumn air is very cold. How Bill would like to be enveloped in blue flames, his powers warming him! He tries to get closer to Ford, even if his body heat is far from sufficient, especially on the other side of the coat. He gets his hands through the bars to touch him, at least...

"What are you doing?" Ford asks. Was he watching? It's hard to tell with the goggles. It's not like he can feel Bill touching him!

"It's freezing," he explains. Why can't Ford see the obvious?

"You mean you are cold?"

"Stop bragging about it! If you were naked, you would feel even colder than I feel!"

"You can get out of the cage and in my pocket if you want. You'll just have to get back to it when we'll be there."

He's smiling as he says this, almost laughing. Bill feels humiliated, but there’s no reason to feel humiliated and cold, and he quickly puts the authorization to good use. It's a bit warmer here. When Ford puts his hand in the pocket, it gets even better, but it's probably just to check Bill won't flee, and maybe to make him feel again how small he is.

"Are you taking pleasure in this?" Bill asks bitterly. "Or is it only because I objectively deserve it?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, but rest assured, I'd prefer a world where you're not cold - because I don't have to swap you against Soos - because your old friends didn't kidnap him."

When they're almost at the lake and Bill has to get in the cage again, he feels a bit better. He feels warmer already, and of course, it will end soon.

"Where is he?" Ford asks. They're at the rendez-vous point, and no snake can be seen anywhere. Good point: the sun shines, even if the air is still really cold.

"Just call for him," Bill sighs. He'd like to know the answer, actually. Appy can't make himself invisible, but he can be really small, and could be anywhere in the lake or the grass.

"I have Bill!" Ford claims, theatrically raising the cage above his head. "I'll exchange him against the boy!"

Then a huge snake head emerges from the lake. Ford gasps, as if it were impressive. It's just a demon snake changing size! It happens all the time! It’s not even a pretty snake! Why can't Ford help getting starry-eyed at every cryptid ever, even the most boring ones?

"Good," Appy says. And with the end of his tail, he gets Question Mark from his hidden place and starts to dangle him in the air. The human seems happily asleep.

They hadn’t planned for this. Well, they had, but with few details, as Appy was meant to have lied and have his hostage still hidden. What happened to him? Since when does he keep his word to _humans_?

"Is he safe and sound?" Ford asks. Appy doesn't even reply, and doesn't lower and drop off Question Mark either. He's concentrated on Bill instead, Bill who feels even tinier than usual.

"So it seems you go by Bill, now," he says in a very pleased voice. "Still a short, uncool name, isn't it, Set? So not only you left me alone in this dimension, but you helped humans to fight me, when I was just destroying this world as we had planned? I heard that in the stories they tell now you kill me every day. Well, time to shake things a bit... too bad I can only kill you one time, in your current state. I'll make it last."

"Wait," Ford whispers. "Set? You mean... whom you called Appy is the great snake Apophis? You didn't tell me?"

Like that changed anything, is this the moment to go full Egyptian Antiquity nerd?! And of course, Ford could notice more interesting points about it, like Bill's past of being a well-known god, but he won't, will he? Bill can almost feel Appy glowing.

Fortunately, Sixer gets real again. "Well, Apophis, do you want to make this exchange? Because I do."

"Oh, I certainly do. I'm the one who wins here. You're selling your gods short."

Yay, first intelligent thing he said since the beginning of the day... make it a few millenia, Bill thinks bitterly.

"We certainly can't win when it's a blackmail and you're 'exchanging' someone you stole from us in the first place," Ford sighs annoyedly. "By the way, how will we be sure that you won't just attack me and kill us once the exchange is done?"

"You can't!" Appy exclaims with joy. "Maybe I will stay here and kill the villagers and poison your waters, maybe I won't. But knowing this, you still want your human back, don't you?" He plays and shakes Soos, almost lets him fall, catches him back.

Soos seems to awaken, and waves a bit to no one in particular. He tries to smile to reassure them, but it’s more a grimace which, as he’s hanging upside down, seems like a smile again. It’s quite funny, in a way.

"I see clearly that I have no choice," Ford says. "You really are Bill’s friend.” OK, this part is insulting. “So, if you're so powerful, you don't mind giving me the boy first? It's not like I can prevent you from getting Bill."

"Well, you could mercy kill him," Appy says, trying to be charismatic, and utterly failing. "Let's see, you put Bill here on the ground, and i do the same with mine. When you get to the human, he's mine. Seems fair."

Ford nods and puts Bill's cage back on the floor.

As soon as Appy drops Soos on the bank of the river, as planned, Sixer not only runs towards him, but starts to chant.

Appy shivers, then quakes, can no longer control his moves. Just as planned; it's quite pleasant to watch. It's the part where a whole army should stab him with a huge cedar lance, but they're not easily disponible these days.

So they just have to wait until Old Fez does his part, from a distant tree. The light of the sun goes through the crystals, and Appy gets smaller and smaller. Of course, he can control his size, but not as long as Sixer is chanting. And it happens that a small cedar spear is easier to find...

It's all good! The plan works! Except that Soos is calling for help in a weak, strained voice, and Ford seems to hesitate. Can humans be so stupid that they don't realize that stabbing demons is more urgent?

"Don't listen to him! Kill the snake first!" Bill yells. He gets out of the cage and runs towards Ford.

Ford hesitates, but he seems to understand that Bill was right. He's grasping his spear, raising it... already Appy is almost too small, will be hard to aim at.

And just as Ford strikes, Soos gets up and stabs his would-be rescuer in the back with a screwdriver.


	7. Add insults to injury

Bill throws himself on the ground, but no, no one can confuse him with with an autumn leaf any longer. He understands he has lost, his pawns acted all wrong, and now he's going to die. Will Question Mark come for him next? Or will it be Appy, growing huge again and swallowing him whole?

He knows, at this moment, he won't grovel before Appy for his right to live. That would be undignified, crawling in front of someone who used to be his henchman, and moreover, it would never work. So, death, uh. Not his first. And last time he was losing more future prospects.

He's almost annoyed when his acceptance doesn't turn into the real thing. Almost.

He cautiously looks again. Question Mark is heading for the forest, the bloody screwdriver in his hand, in the direction where Stan is. Of course, he fell to hypnotism, and has been instructed to incapacitate the brothers first. Bill wasn't a threat in his current state. And Appy...

Well, Appy isn't growing bigger.

Maybe he is stunned or something; maybe it's just a question of time before he gets huge again, and Bill can use this time to flee and never be found again...

Or he can also try and use this time to viciously kill him. Yes, that seems better. Maybe this is a trap, but well, maybe it isn't!

When he gets closer, he realizes that Ford is still alive, face white with pain.

Of course... that's no surprise! Like Question Mark was clever enough to know where the vital organs are! Really, Bill should have guessed.

He should have guessed, too, that if Appy is still small, and actually, getting smaller and smaller. And it's because Ford hadn't stopped chanting. His voice is broken and strangled, but he still remember the words.

(Appy used to get that small when he wanted to write, dipping himself in ink and crawling on paper and that’s how a handless snake could have handwriting, ha ha.) 

There's no way Bill can lift the cedar spear that Ford wanted to wield, useless on the ground. He still goes to it, though. What stupid piece of wood doesn't have shards? Yeah, he found one!

Appy is small, even smaller than Bill himself is, but the thing is, Bill can't get into the shrinking ray. Otherwise, well, he will get even tinier, and he already hates how minuscule he is...

He throws the miniature spear. And misses by a good centimeter. That's what's a great fight between Old Gods is like these days, he thinks with a manic laugh. Shards and centimeters. He manages to tear off another shard. It's too light, it won't fly! And Ford can stop living, and what's more important, chanting, at any time!

Bill thinks about his miserably limited options, and throws himself into the ray. He remorselessly strikes the tiny, defenseless snake. And that's done! Appy's body disappears, and the next hundred years will be without him! This 'every night' story was just a bit exaggerated...

Only when he jumps out of the ray can he see how bad it was. He's even smaller than before, no more than an inch, really. 

And Ford has stopped chanting.

Not that he still needs to, but it probably means he's dying.

Wait, that's meant to be the good news, isn't it! Bill suddenly realizes he can leave. He's outside the barrier. Ford can't stop him. Stan will come too late, even if Soos doesn't surprise him too with a stabby screwdriver. And Appy is gone for long.

He's free! He's won!

But if he lets Sixer to die, Old Fez will kill him... of course, he will believe it's Bill fault, when technically it's all Appy and Question Mark. Bill is powerless and couldn’t save Fordsy even if he wanted to. Which he doesn't.

But Stan won't find Bill again! How would he?

He wanted not to die, and he managed that! He wanted to prove to Ford that he was right, and he was, of course!

But what if Ford dies before he recognizes it? Has he ever seen Bill defeating Appy? Of course he has! But Bill isn’t sure. He examines the human more closely. His eyes are closed. So he can't see! Is his heart still beating? Bill puts a finger on his neck. Yes it is, but it's irregular and very fast. How was he hurt? Before leaving, Bill should at least be able to see the wound that killed his old enemy!

It bleeds a lot. Before he notices, Bill has blood all over his feet. It feels less good than he had imagined. Of course, if he was responsible for this, and not Appy, it would be different.

If Ford does die now, Bill will never get to kill him. Eh, it's a small price to pay, probably... but he really wanted to do it.

Bill will never be able to see Ford's face as he betrays him. 

Of course he can at least explain now! Ford still lives, and he will probably hear him.

"Your life ends here," he says, "and I won't care! I won't care a bit and I never did! I will leave you to die, and... I didn't mention, I killed Appy all by myself, because you were unable to!"

He climbs Ford's body to look at his face, and can't see it change a bit at the revelation. Of course, it's because Ford is already suffering, but still, frustrating! Did he hear? Bill doesn’t know!

Would be only feel betrayed? Or would he chuckle and tell he had guessed? Bill is not sure Ford belonged to him again, and he'll never know.

He almost trips on something hard in Ford's pocket. It's his phone.

Hey, what if he called an ambulance, or some help, before leaving? This way, Ford would have a chance. Just a tiny one, but still, delicious chaos... and if he survives, Bill can meet him and laugh at him again, more convincingly than he does now.

Bill loves this idea. He enters the pocket and dials the number. Of course he knows it. He knows (almost) everything. Not the time it will take, though. No living creature never knew this, specifically about the ambulances. It's forbidden knowledge.

While still perched on Ford's body, he can see a boat passing by. He seriously doubts it's the ambulance, forbidden knowledge or not, but he still shouts. "Hey! You! Human! Come here at once!"

But the man on the boat just screams "Never mind all that!" and paddles away. Bill feels very angry at him.

As he looks again at Ford's wound, he thinks, how can such a tiny hole let so much blood escape? Human bodies are fun, but definitely not functional. He climbs down Ford's side, and reaches his injury. Bill dips two fingers in the flow of blood and licks them. It tastes so delicious!

He abstractly wonders if he could enter Fordsy's body by this orifice, getting under his skin, in his blood flow until it's all he can drink and see and feel, into his heart. No, it's too small for him even in his current state. It was just a screwdriver. He'd like to look inside the body, but the blood continuously flowing prevents it.

He lets himself fall across the wound. With his arms and legs, he pinches Ford's skin, and gets a good grip. He opens his eye against the skin. He doesn't even drink, but the smell is still intoxicating. For all intents and means, he has stopped the external bleeding, but there are still complicated forces at work inside, millenia of evolution fighting entropy, microscopic platelets doing their mindless work.

When Old Fez comes (without Soos. Where is Soos? Bill doesn't care, as long as it's not here), he tries pretending he's not crying by screaming instead. It's not very successful. He acts as if Bill wasn't here, and it's a bit offensive, even if it's still better than noticing he helped Ford and commenting on it. 

The paramedics finally come and remove Bill like he was a band-aid, and replace him with some kind of big gauze bandage. It's even more offensive, even if it’s somehow relaxing. While no one looks at him, Bill materializes his big black tongue and delightfully licks all of Fordsy’s blood out of his own face.

"It's okay." the medics tell Stan. "We got this." Stan even offers them money. He must be very shaken. They don't tell Bill anything. Maybe they really think he's a yellow band-aid with an eye. Or they just don't know that Ford belongs to him, even more than before.

And Bill has to admit he's curious about how Ford will manage. So when Stan barks at him that they're going to the hospital, he just lets out a big sigh and generously accepts going back to the cage. He still can go out when he wants, and it's not like Stan's pocket looks welcoming.

If Ford dies on Old Fez _now_ , of course, Bill will never forgive him.


	8. Small Things

They only let Stan into Ford's room. Bill wanted to insist, to hide into his pocket, but he's still too dignified to ask something from Old Fez. So he's in the hospital waiting room, which is fortunately empty, except for him. And Question Mark. That's the big problem. Stan didn't have to kill him, it seems, or he's so stupid he never noticed.

"All of this is your fault!" Bill starts. "You hurt Ford!" He briefly remembers he shouldn't care, but well, if he doesn't insult Question Mark right now, he will be treated like he's the evil one.

"Yes it is!" All right, that was unexpected. Why doesn't Question Mark ask about his very right to be here, to be alive? Bill can at least enjoy it while it lasts.

"Do you remember it?" he asks casually. 

"Yeah, but I couldn't do anything! I just stabbed him, and then... I tried to stab Mr Pines! My Mr Pines, I mean. Fortunately, he saw the blood on the screwdriver, and since I couldn't explain, he hit me on the head with a small log. He's so awesome."

Bill tries to find even a trace of irony in this statement, and fails.

But it's true that Ford became less paranoid with time. That's the reason Appy got him. He changed since the Portal. Bill doesn't know if he should be annoyed about it.

"And that's all," Soos continues, even though no one asked him. "I was myself again when I woke up. But what if Mr Pines's brother died? Mr Pines would hate me. That's the thing he would never forgive me for. Because I'm evil now."

And he starts crying big, fat, embarrassing tears.

"Hey, Question Mark!" Bill starts, annoyed. "I destroyed whole universes, and I did it on purpose! So stop calling yourself evil, you don't meet the standards at all!"

Question Mark still cries, but he seems to look at Bill with more hope. It wasn't meant to make him feel better, only to show him how insignificant he is. Good and evil are all words and illusions anyway.

"Of course, if Ford dies, I will resent you too," Bill adds. "Maybe kill you, if I can. But it has nothing to do with evilness! You were at a bad place, at a bad time, and of course I blame you for it."

Soos doesn't tremble at this threat. It was predictable, but still annoying. Instead, he looks at him with defiance.

"Are you the real Bill? You're small. What are you doing here?"

Oooh, Bill now knows how long it takes to an idea to reach his brain! About ten minutes! 

Bill tries his best to look indignant, but he fears it's hard to see without a magnifying glass. 

"I saved Fordsy!" he claims. It's even true. "I fixed your mistakes, I fought a demon to free you! You should be glad I'm here!"

Soos doesn't seem to notice he didn't answer the question. It's exactly what Bill wanted.

Then Stan comes back from the room with a big smile.

"Good news! He’ll live! I wanted to make a joke about it, but I decided against..."

Soos runs towards Stan and hugs him, interrupting him mid-sentence. Stan embarrassedly pats his hair. Bill, annoyed, looks the other way and rolls his eye.

"It's finished. No more demons. Hey, we won again. You're excused from errands for as long as you like."

"And him?" Question Mark asks, with a nod towards Bill.

"Oh, my brother is the one dealing with him right now. Well, he will as soon as he's back in the Shack. Don't worry, son. He won't bother you. If he does, just tell me. Did he?"

Soos shakes his head and cries again.

* * *

Ford is still very weak when he goes back to the Shack. They gave him extra blood in the hospital and avoided infection, but the wound is still here, of course. Bill has been alone in Ford's room for all this time. He doesn't bother others, they don't bother him, Appy is dead for now, everything is perfect. (No. It's not. He could be out there and rule the world.)

"Hey!" he greets Fordsy as the human passes the door. "We won!"

Ford looks at him with a stare so intense that Bill shudders. Well, it still counts as a win, doesn't it? He doesn't need to be annoyed about it just because he almost died.

"You saved my life." Fordsy just says, very gravely.

Bill is at a loss for words. Yes, he did, but he didn't even want to! Was Ford awake, after all? Did he see him kill Appy, did he feel him grasping at his bleeding wound? Did he _hear what Bill said at the time_?

"I did? Maybe. How do you know?"

Maybe it's just that someone told on Bill. But who would have? Soos? Stan? They wouldn't say good things behind his back, would they?

"Well, if you wanted me not to know, you could have erased the memory of my phone, you know?"

Bill feels a bit annoyed that Sixer won't blame someone else for his secret leaking.

"Then I asked Stan. I insisted." Ford opens Bill's cage. It's very symbolic, still he can get out whenever he wants again. "He told me he suspected but wasn't sure of what he saw... well, I can put two and two together. I hope so, at least."

"I couldn't let you die!" Bill shouts.

Well, he could have. Probably. It just didn't turn out that way. 

"Bill, is it... was that the price you were meant to pay? The redemption you were talking about?"

He seems scared, like he doesn't know which answer he wants to hear. Bill loves it, and for the first time, he doesn't blame himself for his previous weakness, doesn't regret that he didn't get away, doesn't doubt. Ford belongs to him. Really. Bill just protected what was his.

He almost regrets not doing it on purpose now, to convince Ford, to make him come around. But of course he did. He just didn't realize it at the time.

"Do you think it's enough?" he asks innocently.

It feels so good to see Ford think about it. To see him unable to give an answer.

"You're still hurt," Bill says, in the softer voice he can manage. "I can't do magic, but I can teach you a healing spell, if you want." He adds, more ironically "Yeah, it's like anti-demon spells. You'd think they don't suit me, but they're in demand, and I've always been a good businessman."

"You never talked to me about it... before."

"Well, you were never that badly hurt."

Ford looks like he’s thinking about it. Again. Sometimes he winces in pain. 

"Alright. Show me."

Bill makes him write it down. He lets Ford study it with the little magic he knows, to see if it's really a healing spell. Spoiler: it is. Pure, unadulterated healing spell. Honestly, it would be quite easy to weave something else in here, and Ford wouldn't notice, he's not that good, but Bill didn't do it. He no longer feels like he will need it.

As Ford finally chants it, the wound in his back grows smaller, then disappears. The bandages dramatically fall (okay, Bill lied, he did add some bonuses, but nothing Fordsy wouldn't agree to. He's overdramatic too).

"Thank you." Ford says, in a very soft voice.

"You were asking me if it's enough," Bill says. "I don't know that either. The Axolotl can be, you know, not very clear about things. But I know I want to stay with you for now anyway and help you again, if you're okay with this."

It's a very easy lie. It sounds right. And it's fully paid off by the way Ford looks at him. It's not full trust - there is trust, otherwise he wouldn't have cast the healing spell in the first place -, but there's no hate here. Just conflict and hope and - Bill is quite sure Fordsy is starting to love him again. The mere idea of it makes his insides all tingly.

He wouldn't mind if the human kissed him right now. 

But Ford just extends his hand. "Come with me to my lab. I have something to offer you."

Bill shrugs, but climbs in. Ford's hand seems even more huge now. He could crush him so easily. But Ford just lifts him softly, and gets him underground.

"I saw the effect the height-altering crystals had on you. It must be quite frustrating. Do you want me to turn you back with the opposite effect?"

"Of course!" How is it even a question?

"I used to make them interact with the sunlight, but Dipper has bettered it with a flashlight, so..." he gets him to the device, and aims the ray at Bill.

Ha, ha, it feels good, getting all big again. Except... not big. Ford stops when he's the size he found him in.

"Can you get be a bit bigger?" he asks.

Ford thinks, then replies "I don't see why not."

But as Bill grows and grows, about twenty inches maybe, he falls flat on the table.

"What?"

But he already know what happens. He's getting too big for his shape, and the size of his legs. To hell gravity, and to hell the Axolotl too!

"Are you okay?" Ford asks.

"I need to be a bit smaller," he groans.

As him and Ford search to adjust to the ideal size, both good for his dignity and his mobility, they settle on about eight inches.

Bill's dignity is not totally intact, but it could be worse. It has been worse. Very recently, actually. He lies down again, on his back this time. He needs rest.

"Hey, Fordsy, could you find me some kind of levitation thing? I miss being able to fly."

"I'll think about it." Ford says noncommittally.

"If I showed you how, would you perform a ritual to give me back part of my demonic powers?"

"Never in a billion years."

Bill smiles. "I should have guessed. But a triangle can dream, can't he?"


	9. Bad memories for all!

Bill had thought it would be easier now to roam the house at night. The absence of a cage certainly helps, as does the new unspoken rules that the inhabitants aren't allowed to kill him, or even threaten him too hard. Unless he started. But it was that one time, and he didn't even eat _all_ the pie, there were some crumbs left.

But while being bigger is an ego boost, it's quite bad for discretion.

Right now, for example, he has to get on top of the highest wardrobe in the room if he doesn't want the Pines family to know he's spying on their private Skype conversations. And it's high! He almost fell while climbing, a few times.

The thing is, he's sure they will talk about him. And as much as he loves talking with Ford these days, he really wants to know what Ford says about his favorite triangle when he thinks Bill can't hear him.

At first, he's disappointed. They're talking about school and knitting and Soos and ghosts and the children's parents and how the boat is going and Wendy and a tiny bit of relativity theory, but not about the most interesting subject of all. 

Bill thought he would be offended by Ford talking about him behind his back, but he's far more by Ford not talking about him behind his back!

Ford starts to talk about Appy, minimizing it - _oh, we just fought a snake demon, unfortunately Soos was captured, Stan was very heroic, I'm so evasive it's obvious I'm hiding something, no I wasn't hurt at all_. Liar who thinks he's not, because he doesn't tell one actual lie.

The Fordsy takes a deep breath, and Bill understands - that's it, he looks so serious, he will talk about him! Or about how Soos was brainwashed, but Bill hopes it's about him.

"I have something to tell you," Sixer starts. "I should have done it before, but it was not very good news, and I didn't want to frighten you."

"We'll always support you, Grunkle Ford!" Mabel says. 

Dipper nods. "You can tell us everything. Please."

"Bill is back."

Bill sees the fear in the children's eyes, or maybe he imagines it.

"Did he hurt you or Stan?" Mabel bursts out, at the same time that Dipper asks, "How did he do it?"

"It's all right," Ford says. "He's powerless. And he actually helped us against the demon."

"You don't mean you trust him?" Dipper asks, indignant. "He could have been in league with the demon, to play you."

"I thought about it, and I don't think so."

"But what happened?" Mabel asks. "Is he nice now? Does he remember what he did?"

"He says he is," Ford replies. "Good. That he came back for this."

"But he's a liar, of course," Stan adds.

"Yes, he is," Ford confirms. Well, he's right, but it's not nice to hear. "I don't know. I really don't know. But I'm sure about the powerless part. So don't worry about it. I'll manage it."

"What are you doing to do to him?" Dipper asks.

"Yeah! Do you think you can just forgive him?" Mabel adds.

"Please, tell us how you'll manage! Grunkle Stan, tell us what really happened!"

Ford must be a bit upset not to be considered as the most reliable source, by Dipper of all people.

"Not a lot to say, kids," Stan replies, shrugging. "Appeared one day, and he was begging not to be killed, so we have to watch him, of course. Yes, he helped. No, it's clearly not enough to make up for the bad stuff. And we can never trust him anyway."

"Do you trust him?" Dipper asks Ford, solemnly.

"No, of course." Ford replies.

He lies, Bill knows this. He lies so badly that it makes Bill literally shudder in pleasure. Of course everyone noticed? But they don't point it out.

"Is it not too scary? I still have nightmares about him..." Mabel says in a small voice.

"I’ll never be scared of such a pathetic loser!" Stan claims. Ford doesn't reply.

Bill wants so much to see better, to see if Ford is smiling reassuringly or looking afraid. It's not the right angle! He leans forward at the very border of the wardrobe, tries to catch a reflection of Ford's face in the computer screen.

And he falls over.

He screeches a bit - so much for discretion - and lands on Stan's head.

Stan jumps, his heart shakes, and Bill has to grab him hair. "He, what the..." Old Fez starts, then stops, because the kids are here. 

Ford looks like he can barely refrain from laughing, but he could be laughing at Bill, so it's not cool. Why couldn't Bill fall into his fluffy hair instead?

"Of course," Stan explains, "he was spying on us."

"You were talking about me!" Bill protests. "It's totally my business.” He jumps on the table, and waves his hand. "By the way, hello, Pine Tree, Shooting Star, how are you?"

"Why are you calling us that?" Mabel asks accusingly.

"Hey, that’s not really fair! Those aren’t evil nicknames! I’m trying to be a better triangle, not to renounce everything I was! I find these are cute surnames actually."

"It reminds us of bad memories." Dipper says firmly. "It should do the same to you. Remember the kittens?"

"Only me being here would remind you of bad things, whatever I call you!" Bill raises his hands as a peace gesture. "I don't want to annoy you. I actually like you a bit! Hey, let's start again. Hello, how are you?"

He likes to see them in fear, but he really likes them. They're cute. Mabel has a great sense of fun, and Dipper sometimes reminds him of a tiny Ford. And they can't say anything, because he's right. He likes that too.

"Worse for seeing you," Dipper replies.

"I'm not sure. He's kind of cute, all small like that," Mabel says, thoughtful. Then her smile gets wider, exaggerated. "But, Bill, you know that we beat you every time, right? If you hurt our Grunkles - again, I mean -, we will come for you."

"Well, everyone tells me that, so it's good I don't intend to," Bill lies. "I’ll now let you have some family time. See you!"

He gets out of the room, for real. How trustworthy he is!

* * *

The most annoying thing is, Bill still doesn't know if Fordsy has nightmares about him.

So, on this evening, no wandering in the Shack, hunting for secrets and powerful artefacts. He just stares at Sixer's face, and wonders, and searches for any sign of distress.

Of course, all of Ford's nightmares won't be about him, he muses. That would be too good.

Once again, he misses not being able to see Ford’s dreams in detail. Even without being in it, any of them, even the most boring one. It's still a part of Bill’s power, and it's denied to him.

He doesn't see anything at first. Ford is breathing slowly, and sometimes, he turns and tosses the blankets, while still sleeping. It's actually super-boring! So Bill tries to think about happier things, like the time he burnt the Journals in front of Pine Tree - how dare he mention that whole kitten thing? - but even this doesn't manage to distract him. When you're waiting for something and it doesn't happen, everything is boring, he guesses. Maybe he could read a book? No, it would be an admission of his defeat, that he doesn't already know everything in it. So he settles again for watching Ford's human face, and his slowly moving chest.

At last the human's breathing gets faster, and he moans a bit. Bill wants to be in his dreams more than ever. He wants to know, he wants to know everything, but especially this. But Ford doesn't talk in his sleep, doesn't call for any names, his teeth clenched as his fists are.

"Hey!" Bill calls. "What are you dreaming about?"

Ford still doesn't reply, doesn't even react.

"Reply to me!" He runs to Ford who's still moaning softly, and pulls a handful of his hair. "Don't ignore me!"

Ford certainly doesn't ignore him when he jumps awake and throws him away, against the wall.

Bill doesn't scream. He just registers a very loud and a bit high-pitched complaint.

"What the... Bill!" Ford stays inert a few seconds, like he just only realized the situation he was in. "What happened?"

"I did nothing!" Bill explains, checking he hasn't some hair left between his fingers.

"Of course you... wait, that's not what I meant! Did I hurt you?"

Bill wonders. Yes, it hurt, colliding with the wall. It was sharp and brief and actually felt kind of good. The only question that matters is, what would he gain to tell the truth? He sure doesn't want to be the center of attention here. He wants to talk about Ford's problems! "Well, a bit. What happened to you?" he finally says.

Bad choice of words. Ford closes like a bolted door. "I had bad dreams. You were in it, actually. You did things that sure deserved to be thrown against the wall."

It's what Bill hoped. And yet he's almost angry, hearing it.

"You know it wasn't really me!" he protests.

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry. But the confusion was natural, you'll admit. You look a lot like... well, from a short distance at least. What were you doing, so close to me?"

"Nothing." Bill pouts. Then he thinks again and adds. "I don't like you having these nightmares."

He thought he would enjoy it. But it's too much him, and too much not-him, and it's not fair dream-Bill can enjoy Fordsy's mind while the real Bill can't. Even if Ford told him everything in detail - and he probably won't - it wouldn't be the same.

"Of course you don't." Ford thinks out loud. "If you really want a new life, these kinds of reminders can't be enjoyable. It's just an inevitable consequence, I guess."

He stops a bit, then continues. "I'm glad you're not badly hurt, though. Otherwise, I'd have to adapt that healing spell for you."

"Can't I do something?" Bill asks. "I'm sorry too, that a bogus me is making your dreams hard. If I could still go into your head, I would kick his ass! My own ass. You know what I mean, Fordsy."

"Hey, things can change. Maybe one day I'll dream about you saving me from a huge snake!" Ford jokes. It's not a very good joke.

And it still would not be Bill. He almost gets jealous, imagining how dream-Ford could choose to reward dream-Bill. Fordsy has always been more effusive in dreams. When he can't see consequences, partly because they don’t exist.

"Don't you want me to help?" he asks again, frustrated. "Because I really want to."

"I'll tell you if I think of something." Ford concludes. "Now let me sleep." And he dramatically shoves his face into the pillow, to mark his words. Bill is not satisfied with this at all.


	10. I believe I can fly

Bill is certain one day Ford will recognize he was right all along, and will carry out the ritual to give him his basic powers. The terrible thing would be if, on that day, Bill were so diminished that he didn't remember the exact spells, the exact words.

So while Sixer is working with Old Fez on the boat, Bill is getting some paper and ink, and writing the ritual in detail. 

Then he thinks about it, and wonders. Does he really need to wait for Ford to come to his senses?

And then he starts writing more copies of them, on more paper. The prettiest one he keeps for himself. The other ones, he labels with deceptive titles like _Spell to become rich_ or _Spell to find love_. He hides them behind the chest of drawers. No one never cleans there, Ford less than others.

The day after, he uses some tricks Pine Tree used to like - he soaks them in tea, then burns the edge, so they look really old and a bit more credible.

He just has to get them to the right targets now!

He thinks about it a bit. Most Gravity Falls inhabitants, would, at best, scream "Never mind all that!" and run away, and at worst, go to Old Fez and ask him what it is. It wouldn't end well. Bill needs to get these things outside the town, where no one has heard of him or of the Mystery Shack. But of course, he's still trapped here by the demon barrier.

He needs to find someone to carry them out.

First choice would be selling them to the tourists who come _en masse_ to the Mystery Shack (yeah, it's sad, but Bill came to call it that, as Ford did). It would even give him some extra money. But it's too dangerous while Stan is here. He could notice, and he'd tell Ford immediately; Ford, who knows Bill's handwriting (he used to find it pretty, the cheater!).

He thinks about attaching them to the goat's tail, then frightening him into running to the next town or country. But he's not sure he can do that to a goat in his current state; also, the beast would find a way to eat the spells. Of course he would.

There's only one solution left: creatures who get inside the barrier, and outside too, without getting friendly with the Pines, and he doesn't like the idea at all. But of course, it's still the best he has.

That's the reason why, the next day, he finds himself bargaining with a bunch of gnomes.

He knows the gnomes are resentful creatures, but not that clever, so he came undercover. He dipped himself into methylene blue found in Fordsy's personal effects, and he tipped his hat a bit. He even tried to steal a false mustache from the Shack, but it fell away.

There are three of them, and the tip of their hats goes higher than Bill's. It bothers him. He jumps a bit to make it better.

"So, what do you want?" one of the gnomes asks.

"Shmebulock!" another screams.

"He's right! Aren't you Bill Cipher, the demon who tried to kill us all?"

Bill has planned for this. Of course, in a backwards dimension with so few triangles, the suspicion was inevitable.

"Yeah, everyone says that we look a lot like each other," he says in an unassuming voice. "But we don't have the same personality at all. I'm Will Cipher, and I'm Bill's not-evil twin."

They don't openly call bullshit on him, and he hopes they fully believe him.

"I need to get these old parchments out of Gravity Falls," he says. "They're very important. They need to be found by humans, but not right now! In a few centuries, when my evil twin will come back. They need to be protected, and hidden, but not too much! Find good hiding places, so the humans can find them when the moment comes! Of course they have to be past the weirdness barrier, otherwise he could destroy them first thing!"

The gnomes don't contest this. Maybe they're stupid. Well, they are, but maybe they are even more stupid than planned. In this case, their "good hiding place" will last maybe a week, which is exactly what Bill wants.

"And what will we get in exchange?" the first gnome asks.

"Isn't the satisfaction of helping to save the world enough for you?" Bill asks with his most innocent voice. He knows it isn't, gnomes are better at negotiation, but he has to make his naive persona believable.

"It sure isn’t!" The third gnome replies. Of course.

"Shmebulock!"

"Well, tell me what you want, and I'll try to get it for you, of course, it's important! Do you want money? Fairy dust? Some other thing?" He's fairly confident he can steal all of this.

"When you think about it..." the first gnome starts again, "we still need a queen."

"I sure can find you that!" Bill brags. He has absolutely no idea who. No one would want Abuelita and Soos would complain if she disappeared. Maybe the Northwest woman? She looks easy to fool.

"I mean," the third gnome says, "you would make a wonderful gnome queen!" He shrugs. "You could have a throne, and everyone would be happy!" The two other gnomes look like they approve, like it isn't the worst suggestion ever!

This is taking a very bad turn.

Bill won't say he's not a very fashionable triangle, with knowledge, looks and wits. But he still didn't expect it at all. These gnomes are out of control. And that means there's only one solution.

"Look!" he says, pointing at some cloud behind the gnomes. "It's him! It's my evil twin!"  
They all try to find him, and of course see nothing. Meanwhile, Bill starts to run. 

The gnomes run after him.

How fast can these things be? He's rapidly losing his head start! He tries to throw the magical spells behind him, to change directions without being seen. Maybe with a little luck they still believe the papers are really valuable, and they will lose some time catching them? Maybe they will trip on them?

Bill put a lot of work into those, but he can write new ones! And he'll try to pay less lusty creatures to bring them outside!

He comes to a cliff. He could jump without hurting himself, he knows, he's light enough. But the gnomes could easily follow him.

He has a better idea. He abandons all of the remaining spells, except one, that he folds into a paper airplane. Then he clings to it and jumps, taking as much momentum as he can.

(He hates the laws of physics, but he can still use what he hates.)

It works! He can go far enough that they can't catch on him immediately, and if he steers into the sun, maybe even they can lose sight of him! He flies long, only lands behind a bush. Then he starts running again, because maybe the gnomes don't know where he is, but he sure doesn't know where they are.

He pants where he reaches the relative safety of the Shack, and hides behind the leaf blower for hours. They didn't catch up on him, maybe because he has enough of a head start for them not to notice in which direction he went. If he was able to sleep, he'd certainly have nightmares about it.

* * *

"Hey, Bill, do you remember what happened a few days ago?"

Ford tries to sound casual, like he just happens to chat between two chess moves, but can't quite manage it. Bill would sweat if his body did that, but it’s an indignity spared to him. Did the gnomes show Ford the false parchments? Did they abandon them in a place where he found them first?

"Lots of things happened a few days ago, I mostly remember when Soos waged a bet with a client about being able to eat a whole hat, and won. It was a trauma they'll never forget. Oh, and falling into your terrible blue thing, good thing it went away." Because no one asked him for the cover story he had got ready, and it's a pity if it goes to waste.

"No, I mean, when I had nightmares."

"Ah, that?" Bill asks, secretly very relieved. Unless Ford is being devious and it's his way to say Bill has betrayed him, like he did in the dreams?

"You remember how you proposed to go in my dreams to try and stop the nightmares, but it was a joke, of course."

"What? No, it wasn't!"

"That's the thing, I think it could work. If I just changed the connection in the thought-encoding machine a bit, it could be used to share dreams. I don't want anyone else to have to deal with my nightmares, but since you asked..."

 _And since it's your fault_ , Bill can almost hear. That's fine, it is!

"I know you don't sleep, so you don't dream," Ford continues. "But you have some experience of navigating dreams, so maybe it can work anyway with you awake. You could get out at any time. And you don't have to say yes in the first place."

What's this weird thing? Is Fordsy afraid? Or worried about him? Are the nightmares so bad? Bill feels sort of weird: he tried to betray him only a few days ago. It's not really betrayal, he reassures himself. He was trying to get powerful again for himself, not to hurt Ford, so it's not personal.

"It will give you only access to the dream, not the whole memory set," Ford clarifies. "And of course we're only trying this once, for now. We'll see later if we're both... satisfied with it?"

Is he blushing? Bill is almost sure he is!

"Of course, Sixer!" he claims. "Let's kick my evil self's ass together, you and me! Oh, it's gonna be so satisfying!"

"If it works," Ford says with a small smile.

"Like a thing on fire it will!"

Bill can't believe it. He's so excited he could burst. It's what he has been wishing for, for hours in the night, for days, for weeks. Even if it's with Fordsy's science, even if it's not with his own powers, it makes him feel like he can do everything!

Soon he will be in Ford's dreams again, in his very soul - hopefully, in his heart too.


	11. Living the Dream

It was hard to make a Project Mentem helmet the right size for Bill. At the end, they cut a hole for the hat, and then they enlarged Bill himself. He cannot move very well, but as he will be in a dream all along, it won't be a problem.

Ford isn't on a bed, because he could toss and turn and lose the helmet, but he’s not on a chair either. It's more like some kind of reconfigured sun lounger, without the sun. It's done in the privacy of the basement - Bill thinks that even Old Fez doesn't know what they're doing. Of course, it's not because Ford doesn't trust Stan, it's because he doesn't want to burden him with his nightmares. But Bill still enjoys this a lot, sharing a secret with Ford.

"Don't forget, you can get out whenever you like: just remove the helmet, no side effects."

"Hey, Fordsy, how many times have you said it? You don't have to worry _that_ much about my memory loss problems, maybe you should think about yours."

Fordsy sighs. "I guess I deserved that one."

Nothing happens for quite a long time. At least Bill can savor Fordsy's trust, and the delights of anticipation. The previous times he went in Fordsy's dreams - the last thirty years or so - he was the master artist, chose every small detail to convey his message the best he could. _You'll lose_.

But before, he sometimes went to Fordsy's dreams as a visitor, just to see what would happen in a human mind, a specific one, so naive and so brilliant and so weird.

And then he sees the yellow light switch on, the one which means REM sleep and dreams; and then he turns his own helmet on.

There are books everywhere on a dark blue sky - instead of a few ones, floating in the void, like it was before. Walls of big books, forming mountains and rifts, and as there's gravity you have to run on them. Some of them are unstable and could easily fall on someone's head.

Bill looks at the covers. On every spine are the same words. _Useless useless useless_.

He concentrates, and manages to float. Even if it's an old reflex for him, he has to fight a force bringing him down. But if he gets high enough, maybe he can see what happens. Dream logic takes its root in the species' logic, after all.

But before finding anything, he hears a laugh - his own laugh - he knows where he has to go.

The place in his Throne Room, the real one, in the Nightmare Dimension. Where up is down and distance means nothing and already Bill can float better. 

Bill - the dream version of Bill - is huge and on his throne, and Ford faces him, with a cannon on his shoulder. He's screaming, because two big green snakes have just emerged from the ground, and are slowly eating his legs with big, pointy teeth.

"Oh, and this?" Bill says. "Don't like it!" And the cannon becomes another snake, coiling against Ford's neck, starting to strangle him. "You know, since you like disloyal methods, I have one too !"

He snaps his fingers, and Stan appears. He's on his knees, all bound and gagged with blue energy chains, and Bill is holding his leash. At this moment, Ford's pain gets so strong that Bill can feel it, everywhere around him, even in himself, and he's reminded that this isn't meant to be fun.

"What will I do to your brother?"

"No please," and on Ford's face sadness is almost stronger than rage. "Take me instead."

"Oh, jealous, are we, Fordsy?" There's a sudden flash, and a lot of people appear, standing but in chains too. These are all the people Bill used in the past: Washington, Kubrick, Pythagoras, that weird Pope... they disappear in an instant. "Soon it's your turn. But first, I’ll ask you again. What should I do to your brother? Should I rip him off his skin bit by bit? Or would you like it better if I tore out his memories instead? It sure would be less painful to him, but well, you choose!"

Ford is crying silently, tears running on his cheeks. Bill wants to lick them. He tries to suppress this thought, just in case Ford can feel his feelings too.

But he wants so many things right now. 

He wants to be this Nightmare Bill, all-powerful, with his throne and Ford at his knees. And he despises him, for hurting Ford so gratuitously, with no finesse at all, and for both these reasons he will kick his ass.

Except the part where this Bill is, precisely, all-powerful. But he's also false, imaginary, a phoney, and all this.

"Hey, big one! Seems you're playing with what's not yours!"

Both Nightmare Bill and Ford stare at Bill; Stan stays expressionless. Nightmare Bill raises an arm to annihilate Bill, and it seems like it will be painful. Bill narrowly dodges something that seems made from Ford's fears.

"What kind of game are you playing, Bill?" But of course Ford isn't looking at him, he only has eyes for the false one.

"Big news, Ford, you're dreaming! And this guy doesn't actually exist, you imagined him! I'm here to tell you all is well, and you won against him. First you killed me, and then you made me good when I was back!"

It's not exactly the clearer explanation he has ever given.

"Dreaming?" Ford muses. He looks at his hands. "A possibility. Seems quite stable to me."

Of course it is, because Ford and Bill are in the same dream, it suppresses the more random things. It's a theory Bill understands. The dreams he gave Ford were the stable type too. 

He could remove his dream hat, and trust Ford to awake by himself from a normal nightmare. But he doesn't just want to help him, to save him from pain.

He also wants for Nightmare Bill to lose.

"You haven't chosen!" the huge Bill said. "What about a bit of both to start, hm?" 

He rips just one shred of skin from Stan's back. He screams. A scene plays in the half-bloody, half-ethereal skin, with Stan and Ford on a beach, playing with an old sea-wreck. Ford cries again, silently.

"He has no power here!" Bill tries to explain to Ford. "Only the power you give him, because in your mind he's so strong! You can prevent this! You can stop him!" He softly touches Fordsy’s nose, his hair, to show him he’s real. The snake around the human’s neck snaps at him, but Bill narrowly escapes him.

Ford concentrates so much that his brain actually gets hotter, like he has a fever, but nothing happens, and the snakes eat more and more of his legs, centimeter by centimeter, and the one around his neck slaps his face. Bill tries to help, but he can no longer influence the dream outside of his corporal form.

"You don't really believe it!" he starts yelling. "You have to trust me, otherwise, it won't work, you will convince yourself it won't work! I can and i did get better! He's a shadow of the past! I'm sorry, Fordsy, really sorry!"

Ford raises his arm, points it at the false Bill...

And all of a sudden the huge triangle yells and puts his arms on his eye, like it hurts.

"What?" Ford says. "It really worked, it did..."

Suddenly Stan is free, with his skin as new. Stan runs to him, hugs him. It's all very nice and brotherly, for Ford does probably know he's not real, while Bill is. Well, the real Bill, of course.

His huge dream persona is an old memory of what he was, a bad memory for Ford, such an ambiguous one for Bill. He's frozen now. He hasn't disappeared, but it seems he can't move or talk at all while the brothers hug.

Bill kicks him, and he falls on his back, slowly, still not moving an arm or an eyelash. It's a bit bitter, but more satisfying.

"Take that! I'm not you! I'm no longer you, and I'll make it work!"

At least Ford seems to notice Bill exists again. Stan is no longer here, and as it's Ford's dream, Bill can know very clearly that he's safe, home, even if nothing physical in the dream shows it.

"Thank you," Ford says. "Are you really Bill?"

There are some explanations and lies that Bill is not sure he wants to give again, so he just says "Hey, I was just here to make your dreams better. I will go now. See you soon in the real world!"

And he removes the helmet.

Back to the room! Oh, he forgot about being too big. He almost forgot about not being able to fly. It was good. Maybe the dramatic effect wasn't worth it. Maybe he should have stayed in the dream and had fun. Protected Ford against other things, if other things come around. It would have been so cool! And why doesn't he go again? He can certainly put a hat on his hat a second time...

But the yellow light goes out, as do all the other lights, and it means... it could mean that the machine is old and faulty, but no, it's because Ford has awoken.

"Bill," he says, "Bill..."

He takes him in his arms, and hugs him hard.

Bill feels all disoriented at first. Maybe because he's a slave to gravity now, maybe because of his memory loss. Last time he hugged Ford, more than thirty years ago, it didn't feel like this, he thinks. He didn't mean it, for once. Does that mean he means it now? 

Maybe he feels humiliated! yes, that must be it. He's not some kind of stuffed animal or child to be hugged. He's actually thirty years older and more experienced than when he was Ford's "muse". He's a very adult triangle and when they touched, Ford used to shiver in anticipation...

What does Bill feel now?

Ford loosens the hug. He probably finally figured that it was embarrassing. Or that Bill is not only his savior in the dream, he used to be his tormentor too. Or his belief in Bill was just some residue of how he convinced himself Bill was good, just to control his own dreams, and now he's coming back to reality.

And Bill feels like something is ripped from him.

He clings to Ford's pajamas with all the strength of his little depowered black hands. He squeezes himself against Ford's body, feeling his heartbeat with his eyelashes. It feels good, good, good.

Ford clears his throat. "I will... I will go back to sleep. I'm still tired."

"Yeah, go, I'll guard your dreams," Bill says. But he still holds on Ford when the human stands up again, not getting to the Project Mentem helmet they both removed; he has time before Ford starts to dream again. He has more time, he hopes, before the nightmares come back.


	12. American Psycho Test

Ford didn't talk about this again.

Well, technically he did. He thanked Bill, told him the nightmares were gone for now. But he didn't talk about sleeping together while holding on each other.

And Ford did fall asleep, and slept well. It means that he trusted Bill, of course. But it also showed that he wasn't overly excited about this, so it's two-edged. Even if Bill were physically able to sleep, he's not sure he could have slept like this.

Ford doesn't talk about it, and Bill won't ask, of course! It would mean confessing that he has needs of some kind, that Ford's got power over him. Is that some kind of payment? Is Ford doing this to him as a way of encouraging him? No, no, it's meant to be the other way, Bill dispensing good or bad things, like it used to be!

He should have mocked Ford's feelings first, before Ford could do it. Technically he could still do it, since Ford has said nothing yet, but this window of opportunity seems long past now.

The main thing Ford talks about now is how the boat is almost finished, and they will leave soon. Stan, Ford, and Bill. Bill's not sure about it, living in a small space - even smaller than the Mystery Shack - with them, with even fewer new things and people. And if this body can be seasick, he'll probably have to bite someone in frustration.

On the other hand, if Ford takes Bill with him, when it should have been private with his brother, it's probably a good sign. He won't leave Bill here, caged or cryogenized or worse until he's back. All this is behind them, and it means something, sure.

Also, on the boat, he won't be imprisoned by any demon barrier. He will be able to leave anytime! Mostly at harbors, though, because otherwise he could be eaten by a shark. Or a dolphin. Or a seal. Or a grouper, or a mackerel, maybe even a few determined sardines.

On this evening, Ford comes to him, all excited, but he only wants to talk about the boat again.

"It's really finished, this time! I will make a few more trials in the lake, and then we're gone. Stan will invite the children to have a goodbye party for the next week-end. I'll be glad to see them. And then, we could leave in one week, maybe?"

"Now, I can see the lake, but how will you bring the boat to the sea? Or will you bring the sea to the boat? What about a tsunami? - joking here."

"Oh, I didn't tell you? It's a flying ship! It will sail on water too like a normal boat, of course. I've always wanted to have one."

Maybe he said it, at a time Bill didn't listen, so it doesn't count. Still, a flying ship! He never built one for Bill! Well, he built him a Portal, and that’s more difficult, but Bill feels a bit jealous.

“Good.” he just says noncommittally, like all the other times he didn’t listen.

* * *

Stan and Ford went to the bus stop to get the kids. Meaning Ford doesn't think Bill must be kept under his surveillance at all times! It would be hilarious if Bill was taking advantage of it to mess the whole Shack! _See what happens when you leave me alone, Fordsy!_ But no, it isn't worth the consequences. Bill hates to live in a world when he has to think about the consequences.

Also, Abuelita is here in a corner. Maybe Ford asked her to keep an eye on him, who would know? She's, like, the Schrödinger's warden.

Here they are. Bill hears someone under the porch.

"Soos!" the little twins exclaim, both hugging him at the same time. Bill is quite glad he didn't come to the bus stop. The number of hugs would have been far above his tolerance limits.

Then they see him, but of course they don't hug him. Thank something.

"Hello, Bill!" Mabel speaks first. "I really hope you're no longer evil. I've decided to put my trust in you, so don't mess it up! I have a gift for you!"

And from one of her pockets she exhibits a small pink piece of knitting.

"it's a scarf!" she says. "I did it in case you're cold at sea. Also, I will make you socks, but I'll need your measurements! Come with me in our room, I have questions to ask you!"

Bill feels a bit trapped. He looks at Ford, hoping for some rescue, but no. Sixer is all smiling at Dipper who's jumping up and down while yelling "Flying ship! Flying ship! Flying ship!"

So Mabel kidnaps him, and no one comes to his rescue.

He has to admit, the scarf is warm and will certainly be useful. But he's afraid she will do more than measuring his feet.

And of course he's right.

She's pulling from her bag a whole collection of girl magazines, and it's not to squish Bill like a fly, it's worse!

"So, if you want to be a good person, Bill, or a good triangle at least, you need to know how long the road ahead will be. I brought you some psychology tests, and you will reply truthfully to every question!"

What is _truthfully_? Of course, he won't do that! He doesn't need to tell her that that he's here for a long con! But he can lie to her! It won't be hard!

"First one!" she says enthusiastically. "Your friend cooked for you but the meal's not great. What do you say? Answer one: 'This is delicious!' Answer two: 'Thank you so much for cooking for me!' Answer three: 'Real talk: it doesn't taste good.' Answer four: 'Mmmm.'"

"Real talk: it doesn't taste good!" Bill replies without thinking. Mabel pouts as she notes the answer.

"What! Don't tell me it's the evil reply! I'm learning to be truthful!"

"You're right!" Mabel says. "And you're doing awesome. But let's look at this test again!"

The test answers that Bill is not really a good person but is striving to get better. Bill is almost sure that if he had told the truth, it would have got him in a better category... because none of these questions make sense! There's nothing about trying to destroy the world, and he explains this with vigor.

"You're right again!" she replies, unfazed. "And I've brought another test for this special issue, called 'Are you a psychopath?'. Let's start! So, do you do what you want, regardless of what the other wants, the moment the impulse strikes you. Yes, no, maybe?"

"No!" Oh, how Bill would like to. But he has damn consequences to consider.

After some questions where Bill has to explain he never got in legal trouble because he has no legal existence, Mabel counts the points and exclaims. "Yeah! You're not a psychopath! I'm so glad! I hope I will win my bet with Dipper."

And she removed more things from her sweater pockets! This time, it's a badge announcing "Not a psychopath". Then she gets another one with "Not as much an asshole as you once were". She pins them on the scarf for everyone to see. Bill is sure she didn't know? She just made a badge for every possible answer. Maybe that’s even more frightening.

Bill really hope he can go now at least, but there are more girl magazine, and endless stream of them. "And now," Mabel keeps talking, "it's time to talk about the most important questions. Are you in love with Grunkle Ford?"

"What?"

"It's a difficult question!" Mabel says with a delighted smile. "Let's start easier. Did you kiss him when he was sleeping?"

"it's not what you think!" Bill protests.

"So it did happen! I saw he had a hickey on Skype, I was sure of it, but I didn't know you were there at the time. But now all is clear, and I was right! You love him, love him, love him..." And she starts to dance.

It's a terrible misunderstanding, and Bill would almost explain 'But it was in an evil way!', except that it's a secret.

"I don't," he just croaks.

"You don't know! But it's not a problem! I have brought all of these _tests_ too. So, Is it real love? Let's start: 'How do you feel when you're with them?' Answer One: 'I feel nervous, scared I'm going to say something stupid. My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing.' Answer Two: 'I feel like kissing them right then and there, I don't care WHO'S watching!' Answer Three: 'I feel like myself - safe, comfortable, and purely happy. I never want them to leave.' Answer Four: 'I feel happy and wonderful. They really know how to make me laugh.'"

And really, there's no reason for Bill not to reply honestly to this test! He'll prove to her he's still angry at Ford! She'll see!

Except that... 

"What is the Answer Five?"

"There isn't one. You have to choose which one is closer." Mabel abandons her delusions of objectivity, displays an eager smile. "How would you describe what you feel about him?"

Bill feels like he trapped himself. Also, he's very worried she made badges for answers to this test too.

"I want him to notice me." he starts, a bit hesitant. Of course he hates Ford too, but he can't afford telling Mabel this. "I just want him to respect me again! Intellectually, you know! I'm not some kind of pet!"

"I'll put it as answer one." Mabel says. "Next question!"

At the end, Bill feels like he shared far too much. He hopes that Mabel really was accepting all along, and didn't fake it. It's not her thing, is it?

She's now counting the answer and pouting again.

"What does it say?" Bill asks. 

Mabel seems happy with his impatience. "Well, you don't have true love as the main answer, you have a Crush."

"What? That’s ludicrous!"

"But you have also a lot of answers that say Lust or Love. Not that many as friendship, though."

"We..." _We used to be friends, though_ , Bill wants to say, but it's not true, and of course they are no longer friends.

"That's okay!" Mabel says. "It always starts with a crush! It doesn't mean your feelings are superficial or short-lived! You will understand love and it will help you become a good person! It always does!"

So says the girl who had a fight with her friends because of a boy band and neglected her promise to her brother because of a pretty face. But that's not really the point, and besides, the test is all biased. Bill certainly has to lie one or two times, and there's no "enduring hate" category in this test.

"And him?" he asks. "Have you tested Fordsy? Have you asked him what he feels about me?" The line sounds like it's from a bad romance novel; Mabel will adore this, he justifies to himself.

"Not yet!" she says with a smile.

"You really should, for his sake, not mine," Bill replies. "You know, he has issues. He won't talk to me because he doesn't trust me, he won't talk to Stan because he doesn't want to bother him, and if you're not here, his only solution will become to discuss it with a psychologist's ghost or another cryptid."

"Oh, you're really thoughtful!" Mabel beams.

Of course, Bill won't disappoint her by pointing out that he really wants to listen on this conversation.


	13. Truth Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter is a bit more sad and heavy than the previous ones. I promise it will get better later!

"Hey, Pine Tree, would you like to have a game of Dungeons, Dungeons and more Dungeons with me and your Grunkle? It's sure funnier when we're three!"

Dipper stayed behind, he certainly wanted to have a word in private with Bill, and Bill will give him the opportunity, like a nice little triangle.

Pine Tree looks like Bill just put vinegar on his cake. Maybe it's the mere idea that Bill and him could be friendly, maybe it's because it implies some intimacy between Bill and Ford, playing this game together. They haven't done it. But they could.

"I won't let you create a character before I'm sure..." Dipper reluctantly answers. He surely plays into Bill's game.

"Of course! I understand!" Bill doesn't even let him finish. "It could be sooner than you think!" He's sure Dipper can see the "not a psychopath" badge. _Look, your sister likes me... well, she believes me at least._

Really, why would he even be mean to Dipper when being cheerful and polite has exactly the same effect?

"Are you trying to hurt Grunkle Ford again?" Dipper asks.

"Of course not!" He's tempted to joke about it, say it would be overkill, but he's quite sure Dipper planned for him to reveal his evil plans while no one listens or at least allude to them, and has a microphone ready. He's that kind of kid. "I'm trying to... to make him better, if I can."

Dipper clearly doesn't believe one word of it. He's right, but as he has no proof, it's still unfair to the effort Bill could be putting, in an alternate dimension where all of this would be true. It looks like somebody’s jealous because he's no longer Fordsy's favorite?

"Don't touch him and don't touch my sister!"

"Not unless they want me to," he replies, in a voice so humble it can hide all the delicious innuendos.

Dipper hesitates, balls his fists, but doesn't attack him or say anything. He just runs to catch up with Stan and Ford with the flying boat, or Mabel on her way into town to see her friends, Bill doesn't know who he will follow and he doesn't care. He's not jealous at all of all the fun Ford is having without inviting him. Fun is better when they're alone.

The official first flight will be tomorrow, in front of the inhabitants of Gravity Falls, who want to see it. Even Bill will be here: Ford will take him out of the barrier for the occasion, and hide him in his clothes once more, so as not to frighten the bystanders. It could be nice. Bill really likes being a secret. Maybe he can bunny-ear McGucket.

What will Bill do now? He will go in the children’s room and hide Dipper’s shoelaces, of course! And maybe he will read the teen magazines Mabel did not interrogate him about. He'll also read the solutions, so he can pretend whatever he wants, if it's not too ridiculous. Also, they’ll teach him about human psychology? Probably not.

Of course he would die rather than confess it to anyone, but the rest of the family are gone, Soos and Abuelita don't go in the children's room, everything should be alright.

When he hears a voice calling for him, he panics, and hides everything under the bed sheets. But no, they're just calling for dinner. Time flies fast. He can make it look like he was never here before going downstairs.

The meal is almost ready to be served when he climbs down the stairs - actually, he falls on purpose, he's too light to be hurt on arrival, and it reminds him of flying. He's becoming better with the limits of this 'having a body' thing.

"Bill?" Mabel asks from the kitchen. "Do you want some Mabel juice? There are tiny plastic dinosaurs in it, maybe it could give you the impression of eating real ones like when you were strong? You know, like when grownups eat chocolate cigarettes to stop smoking."

"Sure, why not?" Bill climbs Ford's chair, up to the table. He’s found that it's the most dignified way to eat with them. He sure won't use a baby chair!

Dipper comes from the kitchen with a tray, alcohol for the adults, and soda for the children. He looks at Bill with pure hatred, and as Bill is so close to Ford, Dipper's expression changes so fast, it's funny, almost like a cartoon. His hand shakes a bit as he drops off the Mabel Juice in front of Bill. Then he goes to sit besides Soos.

Bill keeps staring at Dipper as he drinks, and then he proposes, "Hey, Fordsy, don't you want to have a taste of this Mabel juice? It's good!" It's actually not bad, very sugary. It could do with a little more hot pepper.”

Ford makes an indifferent noise but accepts a mouthful of it, and Bill is delighted to see Dipper's horrified face as he witnesses this. If Shooting Star's magazines are to be trusted, it counts as an indirect kiss, doesn't it?

Except that Dipper is maybe a little too horrified, and Bill is on the verge of panicking.

"He poisoned me!" Bill screams, pointing him with an aggressive finger. "He put something on my glass! But now Fordsy drank it too! If I die, we die together! I didn’t do it on purpose by the way, I proposed him a drink just to annoy you. I didn’t know that you poisoned it at the time! And it’s all your fault!"

OK, while it feels good saying ll this, he’s maybe a little too honest right now.

He waits for Pine Tree to defend himself, but he says nothing.

"Dipper, my boy, you didn't put anything in these drinks?" Ford asks. Dipper is still silent, but he becomes all red and lowers his eyes. It's very worrying. "Just tell us, I'm sure I know the antidote. I'm very intelligent and I have twelve PhDs after all. Even if it was a bad idea, it can be fixed. I've lived through worse."

Ford is talking weirdly too, so Bill feels very justified in interrupting him.

"He's right, he's clever. But I'm still more clever than him. From the beginning, I’ve been deceiving him with all this redemption bullshit."

Then he stops, because he understands...

"Oh, my my..." Grandma Question murmurs.

Dipper gave him some _truth thing_ to drink. Well, he could probably guess what it is, but he has more urgent things to do right now. He could try and resist it, but what’s the point? He already told the worst part.

"It's not what you think!" he tries to explain. "I don't want to kill or torture you, Fordsy! Well, it was an option at the beginning, and I certainly tried things with the bodyswap carpet or the gnomes, but now, I only want to get my powers back so you respect me again."

He tries not to look at Ford. But he doesn't want to look at Dipper’s triumph, either. And he hates how Mabel looks disappointed.

"The only times Fordsy seems to like me is when I save his life!" he tries to explain. "I was lucky with Appy and the dreams, I want him to come and ask for my help. It seems I just have to put him in danger by myself if it's the only way! Best case scenario, he will be grateful, and worst case, I'll have the power to keep him captive like he did to me!"

"You don't really feel like this! You love him!" Mabel cries out.

"You were saying it was a crush, and I replied almost honestly! But what does it mean when he won't treat me like a God and he won't even treat me like an equal."

"How could you do that?" Mabel asks. "I thought you... I thought you..." She starts to cry silently, and Dipper pats her back.

"I can't believe I was fooled again!" Ford roars.."I did like you! I fell for it again! I'm the biggest fool in the universe! I hid it and it changed nothing, because you - all of this was rotten from the start!"

"It's your fault!" Bill screams to Dipper. "All of this is your fault and I hate you more than ever! You made your sister cry! It's not me, we were going along fine, it's you!"

"I couldn't care less about you hating me!" Dipper says. He sounds hurt. It's good. "I'm glad for it, even. I did this knowing that if I were right Grunkle Ford would be mad at me, but I'm still doing it for him. You hating me is just a compensation."

Stan puts a hand on Dipper's shoulder, as if to support him. Bill is sure he knew about the truth spell. Assholes united!

"I'm not angry at you, Dipper." Ford says softly. "You did it by grinding the truth telling teeth, didn't you? It's sort of brilliant. I'm just having my heart broken, but it would have happened sooner or later, as Bill was a treacherous demon. You did what you had to. The truth is important even when I hate it. I was thinking I wanted the truth, here and always, but I was so wrong..." He seems to realize something. "I have to tell Fiddleford the demon is back!" and he heads towards the phone.

"Please, Grunkle Ford, don't do it!" Mabel pleads. "You told me that I could tell Candy and Grenda and Wendy and Pacifica only after you're gone."

"You don't understand how important it is that I stop lying to him!" Ford snaps, and he holds the phone too high for Mabel to stop him.

"I hate you all!" Bill keeps talking. "Even Fordsy, that I still love. Why did he hide it? We could have been a bit happy, even if Pine Tree came and spoiled everything. Pine Tree, of course, I won't stop messing up with your life in return until one of us is dead. Shooting Star, it's your fault and your magazines' fault I came to imagine romance-like things, dates and stargazing! Old Fez, it's exactly what you wanted, isn't it? Also, Question Mark, you're ugly and stupid, and your Grandma is worse than the devil!"

"Dude, there's no reason to be that rude. Can't we just be all friends and say nice things?"

Bill ignores Soos. Ford just came back, and he looks like he will crumble or explode. And Bill only realizes that he will probably won’t live much more longer. He lost everything that protected him: Ford's doubts and his love. 

"Hey, Sixer!" He shouts. He has nothing to lose now, and Ford is still under the truth serum like he is. "Tell me what you felt for me, when you thought I was good!"

_Tell it in front of everyone, and it's still not revenge enough._

Ford tries to stop talking. He really tries. But the teeth are stronger. If Bill survives this, he must remember to brush his teeth for the first time in his life when all of this is finished, to make it go away.

"I... why are you asking me?"

 _Because you never told me before, as you should have_ , Bill thinks. _It would have been so much better for both of us!_ But he doesn't say it, and Ford keeps going. He has to.

"In the beginning, I hoped so much that you were lying, though, so I didn't have to forgive you, so I could hurt you. And then I was feeling sorry for you, and feeling grateful, and hoping to understand you, and wishing it was all the truth, to be able to heal with you, and laugh with you, and learn with you... I wished you had a second chance, and that I had one too. I could even have believed it, if I'd let myself go, and it would have been worse... But it still hurts, I couldn't prevent it. You ripped hope and faith from me, again. You're a sadistic monster who only says he loves me because he doesn't know what it means. Why shouldn't I hurt you, kill you right now?"

"No, Grunkle Ford!" Mabel shouts through her tears. "He loves you, you know. He's evil but he does." But Bill no longer listens to her.

"Hurt me? You mean, cutting me to pieces? I would like this, I think. I would certainly like it more than... do you think you can hurt me more than with your words? I do love you! Kill me if you want, this way all of this will stop! Be the monster this time, if it's that easy!"

"When you say these things to me, I can't..."

Ford starts crying too. Bill can't remember the last time it happened. His memory is really faltering. Maybe one day he can forget what happened right now, if he lives? He's not certain of this.

"I won't decide now," Ford says, "not alone, not right now."

They don't put him back in the cage. They but him in a drawer, then nail a plank over him. Maybe Bill is not dead yet, but he's in his casket already.


	14. Not Dead Yet

All that could have gone differently, Bill thinks.

If he had kept only a bit of his knowledge powers, he would have known Ford's feelings - and of course, he would have known Pine Tree was trying to poison him, the little nuisance. 

He could have thrown the drink on the ground. He was not rebellious enough, and all his problems have come from it.

He could have poisoned Dipper first. Why did he never think about poison?

He feels terribly bored. He tried to wonder how long it’s been. More than one day, certainly? The Pines got to show off their stupid flying boat and he was not here. Did they leave already? No, they can't have! They won't leave him alone, will they? Ford wouldn't do this to him! If only because he would be afraid of Bill escaping! If worse comes to worst, Ford will come and kill him.

Bill wonders how he will do it.

Finally, he hears that the nails are pulled off, and his box is opened. His first bad surprise is that he feels small again. Of course, they must have used the size altering crystals on the box, without telling him! So it also worked on him, even if he wasn't submitted to the light? Hey, of course, it did! Otherwise it would make people's skin smaller but not their insides, that would be so funny!

Not very interesting considerations, the kind Ford would have. Still better than thinking about his current predicament.

Speaking of Ford, he's not here, only Old Fez, and it's more frustrating than Bill could have known.

"I should have killed you then," Stan says. he sounds detached. "This would have been better for everybody, including you."

"You've come to fix your mistake, then?"

"Not yet. I just come to tell you that we have decided." He has a very nasty smile. "So, for now you're staying in the box, as long as needed. You're the only one of your species, so too precious to lose, it seems. And when my brother will hurt less thinking about you, then he'll dissect you really slowly and nicely. If it doesn't kill you, I will." He seems to wait for a reply, than Bill won't give him. Of course, Bill no longer has to pretend to be good, so he could insult Stan. It would be easy for Fordsy, for Dipper, for McGucket or Shooting Star. But he still hasn't found the buttons that work on Old Fez.

"I just wanted to keep you informed," Stan concludes, with the same wicked smile, and he takes the plank again to close the box.

Bill jumps and runs.

He doesn't go far. With surprising accuracy for an old man, Stan throws the box on him, and he's trapped under. 

And he nails back the lid, he looks at Bill like he doesn't want to dirty his saliva by spitting on his face.

And Bill is alone again, in silence and darkness. He couldn't even leave the demon barrier! He would have lived in small holes in the house, and he won't have even that!

At first he tries to get away by every imaginable way. It's only wood, it should wear out after a sufficiently long time! But his little hands are not even hard enough to pull out the smallest splinter, and his teeth find no hold. He checks for cracks between the drawer and the top, but it seems everything was extra sealed, maybe with duct tape again. 

The he starts to scream. He hopes the box is not soundproof. He hopes someone can hear him, remember he's prisoner here. He hopes it's about three in the morning.

At one point, someone takes the box, and he screams again. Let me out, let me out! But it doesn't open. He's just been brought elsewhere. Then he feels a light rocking, and he understands he's on the boat.

It was planned in the middle of the week. So he's been here for about five days.

He loses every way to count the time, after that. He wishes he was able to sleep, like humans do, to escape this hell of boredom. 

Then he imagines Ford comes for him. It will be to kill him, but it will be better than this.

At the beginning, he could be happy that his being still alive meant that Ford could not bear looking at him, was still crying over him. Now he wonders when it will end.

He imagines Ford's fingers on him as the scalpel cuts his golden skin. "Do you think I hate being hurt?" Bill asks to Ford in his fever dreams. "By the way, I won't make science advance. I'm all magic. Your feeble mind can't understand me. If you'd understand me you wouldn't hate me. Yes, I said I betrayed you, but I also said I loved you. Do you think that’s nothing, do you think it happens often? If you'd understand me, you'd be kneeling to me and thanking me right now."

And he imagines the sharp, delightful pain, and the intimacy of showing Ford his insides. But he doesn't care, he will never care, and Bill screams.

It becomes a regular occurence, almost his only activity, imaginary arguments with Ford in his head. More imaginary monologues, actually, because Ford does no longer talk to him, never replies to him.

Sometimes he imagines that he got his powers back, that he can take his revenge. He's the one taking Ford prisoner again, in chains. "Do you remember when you refused me?" he asks. "Do you imagine what you could have had now? Even if you begged for it, you'll never be more than my slave."

Ford doesn't reply.

"It's what I wanted!" Bill explains. "To break your heart, to see you looking at me in betrayal! What do you think about it? I've won!"

Sometimes Bill kills him to punish him for his silence. And it's time for screaming again.

He imagines that Ford is sleeping, and Bill kisses his neck, and his belly, and his hands, and every part of his body, and finally his lips, and Ford wakes up, or rather he should wake up, but he pretends to be still asleep and doesn't respond to Bill's kisses at all, like a huge stuffed doll. Even his skin seems cold.

These visions are always terrible, they make him feel sick, and it's still better than not having them, because he's feeling _something_. They protect him from _worse_.

One day, he's screaming again because one of them became overwhelming, and the only good thing about it is that he's in a material body so it hurts his throat and he likes that. And he feels like someone is moving his box.

No, it can't be it, it can't be that Ford came to kill him. Maybe there was just a storm, and the box fell, so someone is putting it in place? Is Bill sure he felt the boat rolling recently? It's one of the sensations he lost.

He hears some tapping, like someone doesn't know what is in it.

"Let me out!" he cries out. "Let me out! Please!"

The box opens.

And he finds himself surrounded by cold water.

Of course, he doesn't need to breathe, but still, that doesn't go according to plan. He can still see a bit, so they're not too deep. But it's not Ford, it's not Stan either (all news can't be bad), it's a teenage human face with a obscenely long nose. As Bill has no nose, he gets easily annoyed by them.

Of course! It's the merman Mabel dated when Bill was stalking her!

But it doesn't explain anything! Where is Ford? Where is the boat? The box was on a boat! He looks down, and he sees the Stan o'war II, sinking slowly. No, it's on the rock bottom, it's Bill who's so light he's slowly going up.

"Ford!" he calls. "I was to get revenge on you, again! Don't tell me you died of drowning on a stupid ship, and I didn't even know it!" Then he shouts at the merman. "Why are you here? Is Stanford Pines dead? It's... it's important!"

He tries to swim down, but he can't, his legs and arms are not powerful enough. Bill feels like he will hate water.

"I don't know." the merman replies. "But he's not anywhere on the ship. Have you killed him?"

"Me?" Bill almost explodes, before realizing it's a perfectly natural question. It even shows respect for his skills, he could use this. So he replies, more calmly. "No! I was in this box the whole time! Do you think I would kill him, and then imprison myself?"

"Do you know who did it?"

"What, don't you understand in 'in this box'? No! I didn't even know I was under the sea until right now!" He could have noticed the balancing stopped, but he was already too far gone, too cut from reality. "For all I know, maybe it's you! What are you doing here, Splashy? Isn't it a bit too much of a coincidence."

The merman looks at him annoyedly. "Maybe because it's not a coincidence. Mabel was worried her Grunkles didn't reply to her messages, so she asked me to look."

"Oh, and you looked by yourself? You don't have a fish army? Wait, maybe you have one, but you don't want your wife to know you're doing errands for your ex-girlfriend."

It feels so good to be mean to someone! Not that the merman reacts in a very satisfying way, but well, when you've been deprived of social interaction for so long, you take whatever you can sink your teeth into.

"Mabel also talked to me about you," the merman points out. "She says you're a depowered demon, but when you were strong, you tried to kill Dipper and unleash the Apocalypse." He pauses and squints. "She says you like her Grunkle Ford, too, and asked me to be nice. I now understand why it was necessary."

"What? It's not true! I hate him!" Of course it's true, he realizes shamefully that it's true. He still has ridiculous feelings for Fordsy, even after the box and all. It just won't prevent him from seeking revenge for the box. "Don't listen to girls, Splashy!"

"I'd rather not listen to you, if I have to choose. Name's Mermando, by the way."

"I knew that! I know everything!"

"Well, where are Mabel's grunkles, then?"

They’ve reached the surface, now. Bill doesn't like how the waves are bigger than him. But he still can see a small island in the horizon.

"They sure went here, and something happened to them!" he shows, feigning annoyance before the obvious. If he can't impress a teenage merman...

"What did happen to them?"

Bill tries to think. They were on the Oregon coast, en route to the Arctic. But the water is not freezing cold, and there seems to be a lot of green on the island. Either they didn't get really far, or they finished a whole mission, and went south. Bill feels like he was here forever. But still, there was the time he had already sunk and Splashy got his message in a bottle. 

So, he can assume Pacific ocean, in the north, but not the Arctic. Using a higher wave to see, he looks again at the island's shape. He used to know everything! He has looked at their world for thousands of years! He should be able to recognize some stupid island!

His memory seems all booby-trapped. When he was a prisoner, he didn't want to think about the past, because the loss hurt him too much, and now this prison is in his past, taunting him. But he can find things that were even before! Before Ford, when he was looking at every potential gifted spirit... so he dives in, not minding the occasional hurt.

And then, he remembers.

"Trolls! There are trolls on this island! And they went here? How stupid they can be! I would have told them not to go if they asked me! These things are nasty!"

Something prevents him from enjoying fully how impressed Splashy seems. He tries to recognize it. It's worry, like he felt before he learnt Ford was not drowned in the sunk boat. Are they still alive?

"Can you go on the island?" he asks.

"No, there are no rivers I can pass through, only a waterfall."

"OK. I will get here and see what happened. And you, you can send Mabel a message, and maybe wait here, in case we need a rescue by the sea?"

This time, if Fordsy doesn't forgive everything and begs for his forgiveness and fall into his arms when Bill rescues him, he'll kill him himself.

Assuming no one gets eaten by trolls in the meantime, of course.


	15. I Spy with my Little Eye

How many trolls are there here? Bill is very clever and he has an awesome memory, but the best way to know is still to go and spy a bit. He has no real smell, and he's small, so it should be easy to hide without being seen.

First he will climb the rocky hill, and certainly not try to get to Ford before he has a good view. It's long, with such small legs. If he comes up to the rescue late, it will all be Ford's fault, for making him smaller.

From here he can see the troll village. There are about thirty stone houses, and there may be more than one troll in most of them. This makes a lot of trolls. Not that Bills stands a chance against a lonely one, but it's still a lot.

Does one of the houses look like a prison? More than others? Not really, now. It's like all the trolls like windowless houses, as ugly as their nose is.

Well, as long as he's here, he can spy on them and rest his legs a bit.

They're the kind of annoying trolls who can walk in sunlight. The good thing is that otherwise, spying at day would be extremely boring. The bad thing is that Bill's never safe, of course.

But the trolls manage to be boring even when Bill can watch them. What are they doing? Talking when he can't listen! Maybe even they talk about boring things like friendship and taxes!

And then, he sees two clearly human figures get out of one of the stone houses. It's them! Bill may be small, but he still has a big eye. They're in chains, and it's quite funny. Funnier than seeing their bones being used as necklaces, for sure.

Then the trolls tie them to a big stone pillar in the center of the village, and Bill fears it's for an execution. How stupid it would be, coming here to see they're still alive, only to see them die before his eyes! No, it won't happen. He's sure it won't.

And then he realizes two of the trolls have huge, heavy, studded whips. Just before they start to hit.

What have Old Fez and Fordsy done? Not necessarily something. Trolls just like to use their whips. It's a kind of cultural tradition. It even made it into human fairy tales.

Better them than Bill, and especially better Stan than Bill. He would break into tiny pieces. He can see, even from this distance, the humans bleeding through their torn off clothes; he can hear them scream. If they had listened to him, this would never have happened! It's their fault, for not trusting Bill, for underestimating him, for imprisoning him so long he was turning his insanity against himself!

And it's still wrong, because he controls none of this. He wants to stop this. Just to show he can. Just to see Ford tense, feeling he owes Bill thanks and apologies. But he can't. He feels, once again, that he should be a god in this dimension.

It's their fault again, and they should suffer for this - but not like this! How dare these stupid trolls enjoy what should be Bill's? He will destroy them. Well, he already intended to, just for fun, but now he will destroy them for two reasons at the same time!

He knows everything. Her knows every way to poison every species. He just needs to find one growing here. He thinks he just saw some purple flower... yes, he can do that. He just has to kill them all. Poison is good, when it’s not Pine Tree using it.

He gets back into the mountain, finds a little of the plant. He makes a little bag with a leaf, and puts all the petals he can find in one of them. Making some easy calculations, he gets annoyed. He will need to hoard quite a lot to kill all the trolls in the village instead of just making them sick. And where will he hide them in the meantime? Close to what they drink, for sure.

He takes another leaf, a big one, hides under it, and climbs the hill down to the troll village. Every time he sees someone, every time he could be noticed, he just lays down with the leaf on top of him. No one notices him; it's a pretty clever idea. It’s an heavy one, though, and he gets tired.

He finally gets to the village. It's annoyingly well kept. Not a single secret place to keep some poison, and even if there are, they are hidden enough so Bill can't find them!

He gets to the place where they keep their beer. it's in stone vats! Trolls are really barbarians. Bill can't lift the stone lid at all; but it has irregularities. He could sent poison in it, one powder grain at a time. It's not like it's dangerous to him.

But the vat is square. With no secret corners to hide brightly coloured poison from trolls’ eyes. So Bill has to choose the next best place.

He doesn't want to.

Except that he does.

He wants to surprise Ford with his rescue. He want to do it only by himself.

But he also wants to see Ford. And for Ford to see him.

So he plays again the leaf carried by the wind, and gets to the prison. There are trolls everywhere, and they don't notice him. Good thing: all the prison guards are on the outside! So he slides under the door and enters the dark room.

He's still under the leave, and they didn't notice him either. He can still change his mind. He can just watch Fordsy without being watched. Ha ha! He’s become so much better at leaf disguises since they first met again!

There's some light where Ford and Stan are, and he hears some voices too. He really has to listen to their private conversation. But he's shocked - a bit elated, a bit annoyed - when he realizes that Ford is using the healing spell Bill taught him.

So Ford is still thinking about him! He's still using the spells Bill taught him, even if he's meant to hate him and kill him one day... wait, is it a good thing or does it mean he's using him? Bill not sure about it.

When Bill sees that Ford has modified the spell to heal Stan too, he immediately understands, point a) Ford is a better occultist than he thought, and point b) he's certainly using Bill; as in, using Bill's gifts in ways he wouldn't have wanted to. It's like using a hand-knitted sweater as a mop! Like throwing your super-expensive golden effigy into the fire! Actually, if he understood rumors correctly, Ford has done this too.

Is that what all these people meant when they said Bill used them? He thinks he was doing it with a bit more class.

He wonders only now. Has Ford thought that Bill would be a prisoner under water forever now? Was he sorry for him, even a bit? Is he thinking about him now, using his magic? He really should.

Bill almost jumps from under the leaf to claim intellectual property. But he feels in advance that it will be hard claiming the Pines should be sorry because he's currently trapped underwater. They would be able to point irrelevant things, like the fact he's free and they're the ones trapped.

So he will listen a bit more, to see if he can learn something useful.

"We need to come up with a better escape plan." Ford says. So that's the reason they were whipped? A bad attempt at getting out? Bill has to stop himself getting out and announcing he has one.

Stan nods. "I'm not sure I can keep us alive much longer with romantic stories. They’ll realize I have finished all the ones I've seen on TV and I'm down to the books Mabel used to tell me in detail."

"Maybe you can try inventing yours? Or at least, retelling The Duchess Approves with different names?" Ford blushes. "For my part, I haven't read that kind of literature for a long time, but I can try and tell you if you need ideas. I'm unfortunately a poor showman."

Bill remembers so well how Ford used to read romantic books about humans falling in love with supernatural creatures. He forgot, did he? He just doesn't want to talk about it. So, Stan has been playing Sheherazade to keep them alive, and Ford is the good fairy with healing spells? It's quite funny, actually. What will Bill be in this story? He can remember evil fairies doing deals. It's quite his thing.

But the Stans don't look desperate enough. They should be, though. They should welcome Bill like a savior. Because he will be. He hasn't changed his mind about this, even if Fordsy is such an ungrateful ex-worshipper.

It seems the Stans fell back into silence. Bill doesn't like silence. So there's only one solution, really.

"Hello, suckers!" he claims, throwing away his leaf like an expert strip-teaser. "Guess who's coming to save you? And it won't even cost you that much!"


	16. Worst Laid Plans

"How much?" Stan asks. Like it's an automatic response for him. Ford just looks at Bill, silent, dumbfounded. Bill gets close to him. He's not here to negotiate with Old Fez.

"If you did the ritual to get me my powers back," he temptingly explains to Ford, "I would have you two out of there with a snap of my fingers."

Ford has a short, joyless laugh. "No."

"Just joking!" Bill exclaims in a shrill voice. Yeah, he already noticed they still had a foolish hope in their own capacities. "I'll be satisfied if you, Fordsy, kneel before me and kissed me."

And apologies, and forgiveness, those are important too. But it won't work. Just look at what he did when Stan asked him for a thank you. It's not like he can ask anything about Ford's emotions, it's not like Ford controlled them.

"That’s a joke too, I guess?" Ford ask with a fatalistic voice.

Of course it is, with that attitude! "Ha ha, yes! What would I get out of it? No, I'm sure we could do it like reasonable people. You just have both to promise that you won't try to imprison me or hurt me or kill me or punish me again."

"Oh, and then you'll hurt someone again, and remind me of our promise, is it the plan?"

"You're good at business, Stanley Pines. Only for what I did before, then? It's my last offer."

If he was a fairy in a tale, the untold "even if you don't know it" would be important. But he can't remember doing something hurtful to them that they don't know yet. It's a bit frustrating.

"How are you out?" Ford interrupts. "And what is our plan?"

"I will poison them! Look at this. This flower is inoffensive for you and me, but if I get enough of it and put it in the trolls' beer, they will all die. I need you to keep them for me while I'm collecting them for the big escape night."

Ford looks at him for the first time with feelings - they’re not good ones, like he's judgemental and cautiously mocking, but it's still better than icy coldness. "So your first solution to everything is genocide? Also, how did you get out of the box?"

"You won't make me sorry for these assholes, Fordsy!" But he really wants to cut this deal, so he's ready to compromise. "But if you really want to, with a bit less of the poison, I can have them all fainting. Escaping would be harder, though. We'd need to get out fast, before they can get better."

He wonders what he finds so attractive in Ford. It's sure not his human-looking body. What makes him, even now, wish for Ford to touch him softly, or even to punch him? Is it because Ford used to worship him so well? Is it because he fought him, and it was everything but boring? But what draws Bill to him now? What has he that other humans don't have? 

And why does Bill keep feeling, even when he can't answer this question?

"Escaping where?" Stan asks. "We're still in an island, and they destroyed our poor boat."

Bill can only tell the truth. "I guess we'll have to ask Mabel's merman ex-boyfriend a ride. A whale, maybe."

Ford has a tiny smile. He probably knows how Bill come out from his prison now, and he's reassured. Too bad. Bill liked to make him a bit uneasy.

Stan stares. "So it was a true story? I thought she was telling me about a book. My niece broke into a government property, I'm so proud of her!" He coughs. "I can't believe I told this story to trolls as a made-up one. So, about this deal? Did the merman already offer you something?"

Ford cuts him. "We'll do it." Then he looks at Stan, speaks more softly. "At least if it's okay with you." To Bill again. "We won't hurt you again for what you've done. If you help us escape. Go find this merman boy, and tell him to deliver a message to my niece and nephew if he can contact them - and also to Fiddleford McGucket. Tell them where we are, and to bring transportation. Tell them what are the trolls' weaknesses, if you know more of them. We'll just have to keep going until they come. It's safer. For you too."

Bill wants to vehemently protest. He was meant to save Ford, not McGucket! 

But he also wants Ford to forgive him.

"OK." he shrugs. "Glad to see you think about my safety, Fordsy."

Ford doesn't react to the irony. He doesn't understand, or pretends not to. "Maybe you should go now. I wouldn't want them to find you in here."

And that's all, Bill has to take his leaf and his leave.

He's so furious as he goes to the beach again. It should have all gone differently. He should have been firm about this kiss. He should have lied about the merman. He should have been the one to rescue Ford.

Of course, he could always not transmit the message. But Ford would notice. And what if the trolls killed him?

As he gets to the sea, he hopes he won't find the merman. But he's here, playing catch with a dolphin. Bill transmits the message, in a most disagreeable way, in hope he will refuse. But no such luck.

"Are you going by yourself?" Bill asks. "Because I could really use some support here."

The merman shakes his head. "No. I'm sending Lustrosa here." It's the dolphin. "She's fast and she's clever."

She also looks at Bill like he was edible. He knew this! He knew all the sea creatures would be after his delicious dorito shape! But fortunately, she seems to understand her mission. Bill feels a little uncomfortable staying here. And when the merman thanks him, it gets even worse.

"I just remembered I got somewhere to be," Bill says and leaves without waiting for goodbyes. Of course he has nowhere to be. He plucks a few more poison flowers, imagining how he will kill all the trolls. Or at least give them the indigestion-with-nausea of their lives. Maybe some of them could suffocate in their vomit? If it's just a few of them, it sure doesn't count as genocide, maybe even not murder, just happy coincidence.

Yes, just in case, he will bring more of them to Ford. It can still be useful. Does it count as offering flowers? Shooting Star could certainly tell.

He manages to get into the cell with the same awesome disguise as last time. After checking they are alone, he reveals himself, though a little less dramatically than last time, and offers Ford the troll-killing flowers. Bill thinks it's a very nice romantic gesture. the flowers are cute, and could be the key to their freedom.

But Ford just sighs "good to have a plan B, I guess", and buries them near the other ones. Or course, the trolls mustn't see them, but the act still deserves more solemnity and maybe blushing. All he gets is burying.

Bill would like to explain to Ford that he came to save him when he didn't have too, but he came to understand humans a bit better, and he already knows he won't get a good reaction.

"Do you know if there were trolls in Gravity Falls?" Ford asks.

Bill should make him pay for the information. He really should. But the thing is, it's nice being here, and he really wants to have this conversation. It's so weird. Is it because he was alone for so long? Or did it start before, when Ford made him fall for him?

"Oh, no," he replies. "The gnomes drove them out a long time ago. They hate each other." Stan snickers.

"Also," Ford asks - visibly annoyed to be captive of lesser creatures than gnomes - "aren't they meant to turn into stone at day? I mean, I've read books..."

_You can say it's The Hobbit, huge nerd_ , Bill thinks with a weird fondness. He sure likes that Fordsy fought him. When he's in a good mood, he even likes that the human was able to beat him. When all this will be behind them, he will remember it fondly too. Being killed and kept in a box looks funnier when you're alive and free. But the nerdy books? Really? If this is the way you feel when feeling become three-dimensional, he's not sure he wants this. He was fine with the triangular flat heart.

"Well, some of them do," Bill explains, casually, but actually proud to show his superior knowledge, like in the old times. That's also the reason why he won't ask anything about how Fordsy got here, why did he think it was a good idea, and did he think about Bill a little. He's the one with the answers, and he spied on enough of it. "But they couldn't be included in the Great Escape, so maybe they're still lost in deep caves the gnomes can't get into. Some wise trolls still think the sun turns the other to stone, except very slowly. It's their way to die of old age, after all. But they also end up in stone in caves, so... hey, do you know that their gods are meant to be dead trolls who can still turn back to life in time of need? The funny thing is, some of them are actually dead trolls, and some others are just big actual rocks which look like trolls?"

Fordsy seems very interested in troll religion, so they talk about it a lot, while Old Fez rolls his eyes. Both of those things are nice.

What is far less nice is hearing the door open behind Ford - hearing the trolls who come in, and ask for their daily dose of spectacle, and surely would whip to death a small triangle trying to steal their entertainers from them.

(Even if he says he only wants the less talented among them, he fears it will not be enough.)


	17. The birds and the flowers

Ford picks him up. It's not violent or hurried, it could seem a natural gesture if seen from behind him, and Bill hopes it does. Then he puts Bill inside his tattered sweater. He turns only then, faces his guardians.

Bill can't see them! Ford stupidly put him the eye against the skin, so he can't even peek between the sweater's stitches!

So he just listens very carefully, but no troll asks indiscreet questions like "Is it a triangle up against your body?" They just order Stan and Ford to get out for this evening's show.

As Ford gets up and start to walk, Bill tries not to fall by clinging to his chest hair. He doesn’t know when the trolls are watching, so he can’t turn around when they’re not. A vicious circle, really. As all circles are.

"Who were you talking to?" a guard asks. Bill gets nervous.

"Myself." Ford replies. "It's something I do sometimes, when I have too many interesting things in my mind."

Stan laughs. It's funny because it's true, he seems to think.

Bill assumes they get to the big scene, because Stan starts to tell a story. It's the one with the guy named Ulysses who just wants to get home. He sure has some funny tricks, but really boring motivation. 

Nobody! Nobody! the cyclops screams, and it would be a lot funnier if Bill didn't feel like Stan insists a bit too much on blinding a one-eyed monster.

While he's doing this, Ford plays some kind of... music would be too nice a word. But he found two long vibrating strings, and plays some kind of thing when there's suspense. Trolls seem to like it, but they're trolls.

There's a pause in the middle of the story - the trolls sure are eager, Bill would think they would be tired of Stan sooner and wait for another night for the next chapter, but no, it seems they want it all tonight. Ford asks to go to the bush to do what humans do.

A troll wants to come with him, and bad news! It's the troll who suspected Ford was talking with a real person. Bill decides he will call him Nosy. 

"Don't go too far," he says.

"Do you really intend to watch me while I'm relieving myself?"

"If I have to."

Ford has an annoyed snort Bill knows really well. 

"No one talks to themselves this way." Nosy accuses.

"Only the people who can have two ideas in their head at the same time. You should try it."

Bill almost laughs. But that would spoil everything, wouldn't it?

And then he almost screams, because Ford is falling. He can scream - or laugh - with his mouth closed, and Ford will never appreciate how harder it is for him to help it than for a human. All for his security!

Is he falling, though? it's like Fordsy falls on his knees first, and his fall is broken by his arms, but he still falls all the way in. Well, Bill can only realize that when he's crushed under an heavy scientist. But it doesn't feel bad. His skin is warm.

"If it annoys you so much," Ford says with a cutting voice, "I can stop talking to myself. Trolls are so sensitive."

Bill understands just a little before Ford feels the need to be more specific. "But I will admit it my my fault, getting engrossed in it. It won't happen again."

Bill understands that Ford wants him to go now and not come back. He's offended for a while - then he understands that Ford is just trying to prevent him from being caught. Maybe he was really hit, but he pretended to fall. And he probably can't play not being able to get up for long, so Bill crawls, as fast as possible, along the sweater and until Ford's waist. He fell on dead leaves! Bill likes to think it was because Ford knew he would hide easily here, and not only because it was more comfortable.

"Get up!" the troll shouts.

"I'm old, and it's dark." Ford complains, long enough for Bill to be safe. But he finally stands up, and Bill is totally invisible, under leaves, in the night. Wait, do the trolls see at night? Yes they do. So, leaves it is.

Before they leave, he can see Nosy. His nose is exactly as big as he imagined to put in other people's business, and Bill is weirdly satisfied about it. 

The troll snarls "I know you're hiding something, and I will find it."

No longer, Bill thinks, very glad, and he sticks his tongue out at the troll. Ford got him well! Bill can even let the fact that he will see Ford pee pass.

And then he thinks about the flowers. 

The trolls beat Stan and Ford up when they were trying to flee, and it would be logical that they would do worse if they discover plans for massive poisoning. The digging has been superficially hidden, but nothing for a thorough search.

They could hurt Ford! They could hurt Ford very badly because all he's doing is some vibrating noise for the good parts of the story!

No, Old Fez will never keep working for them if they kill Fordsy.

But they don't know that!

The show is not finished. There's a second part. Bill can use it to remove the flowers and hide them elsewhere.

No, he doesn't have the time! It took him so long to get them here!

For a time, he thinks about his options. Can he go and ask the merman? Is he still here? What does his fiancée think of him doing chores for his ex? But now, he can't help him on land. Couldn't Mabel rather have had a crush on a birdman?

Birds! Yeah, of course, Bill should recruit birds. Day birds currently sleep and it's urgent. Owls would eat him first, there are no nightingales on this island. Of course bats are not birds, but they won't approach the trolls, who like to eat them raw. Same as the rats, the trolls find them delightful to eat, and that's why there are no rats even in their prisons. It leaves Bill... whippoorwills, of course!

Bill calls in their language without difficulty. It's not that far from some demonic languages anyway. And he doesn't need these justifications. He knows everything, he reminds himself. Except the near present and future, but even if it's important to him, on a global scale, it still counts as omniscience.

He's a god.

Tonight, he will be the god of whippoorwills.

He calls to them, and hears them reply. They know he's not one of them. But they also know he knows their language. He doesn’t try the female’s call. He had enough of it with the gnomes. And he doesn’t need it.

Birds are as easy to manipulate as humans are, when you think about it: compliment them, and promise them things. First part is easy, and second part...

It's quite easy too actually, if he doesn't give himself artificial limits. When he started, he wanted to recruit a few of them to take the flowers out of the cells, but he can do more.

"Don't you want to get rid of the trolls?" he asks. "They're walking on your nests, crush your eggs without even noticing it! Also, if they die, there will be so many corpses, and so many delicious flies on them! If you do exactly what i tell you, it will happen!"

It’s even something he will deliver. How low did he fall...

The whippoorwills seem quite happy about the deal, and Bill explains them how to find the first flowers under the cell's floor, and how to find more of them in the hills once they know what they look like. For himself, we will hide in the beer cellar, putting petal after petal in the currently open vat, since the whole flowers don't fit under the lid. It should be an ingrate, boring task, but Bill feels good.

He has an army. They don't seem so much, but they're enough for what he wants to do. And trolls won't attacks them. Whippoorwills eat mosquitoes too, and the birds' hatred is a secret one. Bill just made it burn higher.

And he feels free.

Why didn't he think about all this before? Why did he wait for Fordsy's help and even permission? He doesn't need anyone! Well, probably the merman, a bit. But that’s beside the point. Bill feels like Ford made him forget who he really was, and it’s a bitter taste. But it has ended now.

Fordsy belongs to him, and nothing else will have him, certainly not a band of trolls. Nothing else will save him, not Old Fez, not McGucket, not himself.

He manages to time it well. There is enough poison in the vat to make any troll very sick at least, when they come and take beer for tomorrow's show. Bill can't wait for it.

He won't tell Fordsy. After all, he told him not to come back. Maybe he will tell the merman? He will at least check he's still here and not dragged back by an army of furious adultery detective manatees. 

Yes, he's here. A god is watching favorably over Bill's plan, and this god is himself. He doesn't try to talk to him, though. It will be a surprise. He won't complain. Everyone loves these kinds of good surprises.

All is at its right place, and the night just has to fall, for the trolls' last show. 

Bill reminds himself to be extra glad about Nosy's demise. Yes, it will be a great night.


	18. Between a rock and a bigger rock

When the trolls start to assemble for a new night of stories, Bill is already watching from afar. He even has one of the whippoorwills with him - this one was especially gullible, so he promised him cheese in addition to the death of all the trolls, if only he agrees to be his mount for the night. Why cheese? He doesn't know. But as he doesn’t intent to deliver, he can promise anything asked for.

He's too far away to understand what is the story of the day, but he's sure it’s not a really good one. Far less good than the one he's planning right now anyway.

One after the other, the trolls fall asleep on their seats. Not one notices that it's because their beer was spiked, and not because the show in naturally boring. Old Fez probably doesn't know this either! 

If Bill worked things out correctly - of course he did - all of them should be asleep now, except maybe a few ones who would be too tired to move. It means it's the perfect moment for the highlight of the show.

"And now for the evasion of Sixer and Old Fez!" he claims. He's just above the scene at the time, on the whippoorwill's back. "Because I'm the best!"

Stan and Ford look very dumbfounded for a moment, then Stan shouts out.

"I knew it! Our protector is here! You can’t get us now!"

And then he takes Ford by the hand and they jump down from the stage. Bill doesn't understand where the speech is directed, but he's quite sure it's not for him.

And then a troll tries to hit him with a rock, nearly touches him.

What? He was sleeping!

Bill's bird avoids a few more stones. He can see three angry, very awake trolls. One is sniping at him, and another, though late, is running after Fordsy and Stan.

Bill doesn’t take long to catch up, even if he's taking a circular way to avoid giving a direction.

"What's happening?" he asks. "I poisoned the beer! They shouldn't be immune!"

"Some trolls are against drinking." Ford explains, still running, and panting. Bill gives them the better direction to the beach with the escape plan.

"I always said it. Temperance leagues are the worst. They kill people." Stan adds.

"You didn't tell me they existed!" Bill complains.

"We were to talk about your plan and get around these tiny problems if Fidds couldn't come!" Ford yells angrily.

They hear a troll growling behind them. He's gaining on them. And it's not only because Bill makes them talk to him. They couldn't manage anyway.

They try to hide inside a big bush. The troll comes running. He's at least four meters tall, and he uses a tree he uprooted as a weapon. It's a quite small tree, and probably not even the best weapon this size, but it makes an impression.

Ford, Stan and Bill try to keep silent and still, and for a while, the troll looks in every direction, wonders where they have gone. 

If he goes to the beach, they'll have to think up a strategy to contact the merman again without crossing his path. Bill hopes he will go to the hills.

He probably _should_ have hoped for the troll not to see them instead. Because the troll does. Assholes with night vision are the worst ones, and the ones four meters tall with a ton of muscles are the worst of the worst.

"I got this, Sixer." Stan says.

And Bill flies away, because he's quite sure Stan hasn't got this.

He sees Old Fez dodge the tree, one time, then another, until he's really close. The troll can't hit him with the tree without hitting himself, so he tries with his other hand. But it's less agile, and Stan runs between the troll's hands.

Bill, even at a distance, sees Sixer tense. He knows he doesn't want Stan to sacrifice himself again. He's hoping that's not what it was thinking when he said _I got this_.

It was not.

Bill can say it, not because he's omniscient, he no longer is, but because the situation developed in this fraction of a second. Stan jumps and hits the troll in the balls. Hard.

And then he's still hung to them and turns and squeezes.

It becomes easier, because the troll falls, drops his tree. He opens his mouth, as if to scream, but he doesn't manage. He cries, though. It's hilarious. Bill has to admit he didn't know Old Fez could be that much fun. And still he pushes and pulls at what seem to be the worst places.

Finally, the troll seems to pass out in pain. And they run towards the beach again. 

They won't stop to kill him. They have no weapon, they could wake him up, and they just have to be faster. In order to evaluate the situation better, Bill gains height on his whippoorwill. There were at least two others. Maybe they're coming. They sure seemed less strong, but they have throwing weapons, maybe even a brain, who knows?

He can't see anyone coming after them. He just sees some strange lights. But they're not at the place he expected. it's like the other awake trolls left the village, but in the opposite direction from their escape, closer to the hills. And they seem to have lighted something, at the bottom of a huge rock...

The rock, in the weird lighting, seems to move. It also seems bigger, almost a small hill.

It really moves.

It has some huge rocky legs, and arms, and a face, and Bill knows what it is.

"They woke up their god and it's really bad!"

"I guess the god won't just heal their sick?" Stan replies, fatalistic.

"We have to get out of there as soon as we can, then!" Ford presses them. "At sea, a troll god must be less strong. Let's go faster!"

They run a bit more. Well, the humans do, the bird is flying, and Bill is annoyed, because he feels like he's the most afraid of them all, if only because he saw the thing. Does Stan think he can punch this one in his rocky balls?

Then a huge rock flies from the mountain, to a place maybe ten meters away from them.

"It's your fault!" Bill accuses. "You just told them a story when a giant was hurling rocks!"

Actually, trolls have done this since they existed, but Bill just feels like being angry at someone. He has the feeling that the next rock will fall closer.

How strong are the troll gods exactly? Of course, rock strong, but in knowledge and mind? Can this one know he's the responsible, or can Bill just fly away and let the two humans get under the rock shower?

He asks his bird to go to Ford. "You have to give me back my powers. Now."

"I replied one time for all times." Ford replies. he seems angry too. And he is going to say something else, when another rock falls on them. Sixer and Old Fez have to literally jump to avoid the small scattering pieces of stone, and fall on some thorny grass. "I won't fall for your tricks and manipulation again."

"We need godly powers to fight a god!" Bill insists. "I can't teach you any spell that’s strong enough, except for this one. Even if, with a miracle, we reached the beach, he just would kill our sea-ride with more stones! He has as many stones as he wants! I promise I didn't do any of this on purpose, really, but it's the only way for all of us to live!"

"Didn't you? Anyway, it's only our life at stake here." Ford replies. He still looks regretful, looking at Stan.

It won't end this way! Bill won't allow it! Except, what can he do?

"Watch out!" he screams. "One more rock!"

This time, the rock falls exactly where Ford and Stan were the second before. Bill doesn't have to tell his mount to dodge; the bird is maybe not so stupid. Of course, he is, Bill has to reminds himself. Who would do all this for a false promise of cheese?

It's good Ford and Stan escaped the rock, at least, he thinks. Except that... Ford is lying on Stan, because he tried to protect him, and he has blood on his head, and doesn't move at all. And there's a rock shard next to him, with blood on it. Maybe more than one.

Bill can only watch Stan testing Fordsy's pulse, trying to carry him. But as strong as he is, there're no way he can keep dodging the stones this way. Bill can see that the troll god is getting closer. He can see them now, the humans at least. That's why his aim is better.

No, it won't happen this way! But what can he do? He wants to go away, not to see this. But it will still happen, and maybe it will be worse!

"Hey! You! the insufferable yellow thing!" Stan calls to Bill. "Tell me that ritual of yours!"

"What?"

"Don't play more stupid than you are! The ritual you were talking about! If it's the only way to save my brother, I'll do it!"

_But you're bad at magic! You never tried!_ Bill wants to reply. But Old Fez was also bad at science, and he still did manage to open the Portal back, so as a last hope, he can do.

"It starts with the same circle that you did in the Fearamid to destroy me. The invocation thing, you know! Except that it's not the same order as to destroy me, of course. Not the same as to summon me either. But start drawing the empty one with me in the middle. We'll see about it later."

Stan does as well and as fast as he can manage, given that he carries his brother and can use only a stick. Bill even tries to make a diversion, flying away from some time, but the troll god doesn't notice him. Even when Bill screams at him "It's me! I poisoned all these troll-people!" the stone god keeps aiming at Stan. Old Fez has got rock shards too, only in the legs. Bill thinks that the magic circle will be in blood too. It will certainly make it more powerful.

"Now draw the symbols!" Bill screams at him from afar. "In order: The Six-fingered hand, the Pine Tree, the Glasses, the Llama..."

He stops.

Not because he want to let Stan the time to draw, but because...

He screams.

He can't remember! He can't remember this. It was the most important thing! It could be the Shooting Star, or Gideon's symbol, and what could happen to him if it was the wrong one? Maybe nothing? It would still be the worse. Ford would still die.

He rummages through his mind. If only the situation wasn't so stressful! He's sure he will remember soon, of course he will. But it will be too late!

_Stupid Axolotl_ , he thinks, _you got me out of death and all this to help me, or to punish me maybe, but not like this! It's the worse way and you're an idiot! Help me remember, and even if I can only save him, even if my powers only gets back for a few minutes, I won't complain, it will be enough, it will be... Even if I die. Even if I can never tell anyone I was right about the island and my powers and everything. Even if I was actually wrong. He can't die, you frilly monster! You’ve got to help! I invoke you to help! It’s not really a prayer, or maybe it is._

And then the world seems to turn upside down and Bill feels unwell. Maybe it's the grief. Maybe he just forgot to dodge the stones.


	19. Godly Retirement

It's dawn. it wasn't dawn a few seconds ago. He's in a forest, but it's not the same type, it's all pines and it looks like Gravity Falls, and... where is Ford? Is he even still alive?

But the only human he sees is one he doesn't know. Or that he doesn't remember he knows, since she has an ordinary face, and Bill has damn more important memory problems.

Then he feels it.

The energy radiating from the circle. The circle he wanted Stan to draw... and then he sees what she has in her hands, and of course, he remembers! It's the false spell he wanted the gnomes to hide badly. It seems one of them was not destroyed, and was found!

He has to remind himself that he won. But it's not absolute power in this spell. He has nothing in his sleeve about time, nothing about death...

"So, it's about love..." the girl says in a timid voice. Then "Are you a demon?"

Of course it's about love! Since humans have to call it that! 

"I know the spell was only to find love, but I have question to ask, there's this girl I really like, you know..."

Bill is really clever, but it takes at least one second to understand what this girl is saying. How self-centered can she be?

Bill floats to her (he can float now) he gets bigger (he can do that too) and he starts to shake her off. Of course the circle doesn't hold him back! It was never its purpose.

" _First_ you tell her that you like her! Then you absolutely don't torture her for information for days! Be nice with her but not enough that truth serum would put you in an embarrassing situation! Fuck everyone who says you don't belong together, and don't let her die! Humans die, you know!"

She’s too dumbfounded to reply, and Bill feels like he has enough energy to teleport to the troll island.

Of course, he could wait, get more power from the circle, become even stronger, but if these two seconds mean Stan can no longer protect Ford...

Bill won't let him die.

As he teleports back on the island, his first action is to protect Ford with a magical shield, even before he can look and see whether he's alive.

Bill is starting to know things again. He doesn't need to look. Ford is still here. Stan too. The moon shines bright, or maybe he can see better. He thinks about thanking someone, but after all, he wrote these incantation scrolls all by himself!

He looks at the scene again, and this time, it's no longer a rock, it's the troll god's big fist that hits the shield, and almost passes - almost.

Bill is more powerful than he is.

"Fight me!" he yells again. "I'm the one who poisoned all of them!" And this time, the god listens.

For a while, Bill just dodges him, though. He doesn't need the help of this bird to fly, and it feels so good! He wonders if the whippoorwill is still alive, but it's not important. For now, he concentrates all of his energy to heal Ford, because Ford has got to see this.

And then Ford is well again, and it's Bill’s turn to offer a show.

He makes it last. He wants it to be pretty. He won't try to shatter the god, because he's not sure he can strike him right there, in his stronger point. He just pretends to flee to the place where he came from. And when he is here, where he came from the mountain, he sends all his energy to change him into a stone again.

It's a god, but it's one of his favorite spells, and also, this one is naturally stone.

And it works! He's tired - tired but not powerless. He can't cast a spell right now, but he's still floating, and he realized he got huge and three-dimensional again. He felt small right beside the god, but the trolls seem small to him now. Ha ha, they invoked their secret weapon, and they thought it would be enough! It's not! Nothing is as strong as Bill Cipher! Well, except Bill Cipher at the peak of his power, and he can work towards that...

The two trolls kneel before him.

Ha ha, cowards, opportunists! But Bill can feel what they feel now, and recognize that it’s sincere. The trolls recognize strength, and this pyramid form is stone-like enough for them. Or course, they pray to avoid dying! But he had missed it so much. And there is respect here at least.

Hearing creatures pray for their lives.

Wait. Do they also pray for the other dying trolls' lives? How greedy can they be? But it's still a prayer, so Bill listens. He even hesitates.

Would the other trolls worship him too if he saved them?

Otherwise, he can just kill them again. Of course.

So it's worth trying, if only for a bit of fun! With just a spell, he eliminates the poison in the trolls' blood. They're healthy now! Except Nosy who has diarrhea, because it's funny.

"I have fought your god and won! So I'm your god now! I don't make the rules!" he rumbles. Then he laughs out loud. "Just joking! I do make the rules! That's the whole point!"

He searches for any signs of dissension, but the trolls, if his memories are still good, share his opinion about the circumstances of godly retirement. And they seem all suitably humble. Even the ones who suspect he was the one poisoning the beer. They don't know why he did this, though.

"Hey!" he yells again. "The two humans, you know which ones. They are mine, and mine only! You can get your stories elsewhere. I can't understand why you can't create them yourselves, by the way. I’m going to get them now, I'll be back soon."

He sees a whippoorwill fly in the sky. Is it his? Oh yes, the birds will be annoyed he didn't really kill the trolls. Bill should be happy that he deceived them, but as it's not on purpose, it's a bit less good. Also, the one who carried him was grave. He could keep it as a pet.

"But before I go... cheese for everyone!"

As he flies towards the forest, slices of cheese start to rain down around him. Trolls seem a little bit confused. Birds don't, though. They enjoy every bit of gruyere, cheddar, goat or camembert cheese.

When he arrives where Sixer and Old Fez are, he realizes he still has’t decided what he wants to do with them.

It's a lot to process, being a god again - no, he never stopped. Being powerful again. Not having to follow orders. Not having to play by anyone's rules. 

He's sure he had made a 'things I will do when I have my powers back' list. More than one, actually. Maybe he has to reexamine them. Maybe he has to make a new one.

What did he want to do to Ford?

Apart from breaking his heart, which he already did, even if it was not that satisfying at the time. Oh, yes, he remembers.

"I didn't need you, in the end." he boasts. "Or your brother, either." he adds. He hopes Stan didn't tell Ford about him forgetting the spell. He remembers now. He remembers so clearly.

"You don't." Ford nods, and it's the worse thing he could have said. Bill is sure he did it on purpose.

"You did need my help, though," Bill gleams. He's almost offended Ford didn't stay concussed and fainted, waiting for him. He would have gotten into his dreams. He would have woken him up spectacularly.

Stan looks angry, but Ford cuts him off before he can talk "Without you, we could have stayed prisoners forever."

He doesn't say _but I would have liked it better if Fiddleford had come for me_ , but Bill is certain it's implied in this specific formulation. He knows him well. He wonders why Ford doesn't say it directly. Is he afraid? Does he care about Bill's feelings? Such a laughable idea!

"I think you missed the best part, but I'm the new troll god now." Bill takes his hat off, to himself. "They worship me. They know what's good for them." He looks intently at the human twins. "Will you worship me too?"

"Will you kill us anyway?" Ford asks.

It makes Bill angry. How can Ford think about him this way?

Well, of course, he had planned all the terrible ways he would take revenge on Old Fez, and Pine Tree too. But one, it's not the only things he's capable of, and two, it's not like he hasn't a good reason!

How satisfying would it be, he briefly wonders. Except that Stan knows that he's got the power to do it again. It's enough. Or maybe it's the reverse, it's not enough to torture and kill them. Maybe proving them wrong would be even better. 

He knows what he wants. He wants to have Ford side with him, and it's the most slippery thing to get. How did he do it once, and why did he throw it away?

He realized he hasn't answered the question yes.

"Oh, no, why would I?" he asks jokingly. "I have hundreds of trolls that will obey me. I can let go of you, you know! Look how I don't plan to hurt you now!"

He makes a simple gesture - actually, it takes him quite a lot of energy, but he certainly won't show it - and the Stan'o'War II emerges from the ocean, empties itself of the sea water like an old man coughing. Bill even has a warm breeze blowing on it, do dry it up.

Stan looks dumbstruck, and Bill likes it, but he wants to look at Ford right now. He looks... grave, almost regretful.

"So you will stay hare?" he asks Bill.

"Well, I don't have all my powers yet, but maybe one day, I will rule the world again! You'll know if it happens, for sure!"

"You don't have to do this!" Ford retorts.

"Do what?"

"Give me excuses to be angry at you. Bill, I will... I learnt some lessons, I guess. Thank you. For helping us to escape, and for, well..." It seems hard to find the words as he looks at the Stan'o'War. "You don't really plan to conquer the world, do you?"

Bill tries to really think about it. Think about to whom he would like to show it. 

"Well, at least, we'll see each other again, wouldn't we? You would like that, I'm sure, as much as I would."

"Or you could... you say, just come!" Ford offers.

"To be a prisoner again?"

"No. I promise, no."

"To be watched as a threat?"

"As a friend?"

Bill weighs his options.

"I'd rather be a god," he concludes. "Tell Shooting Star she's a cool one. Tell Pine Tree he's not. They probably already know."

Then, as the master of the Island, he keeps an eye on them while Splashy helps them, with his pet whale, to get to the boat.

So it's time to get back to the worship and the parties in his honor, he thinks, as the boat begins to sail away. And he floats to the trolls. Then he remembers, horrified, that all they have to drink is beer, and that they're so bad at telling stories they have to kidnap humans.

In the twinkling of an eye, he teleports on the boat, just in front of Ford. 

"Hey, Sixer, I forgot to ask. And as a boyfriend? What about it?"

Ford blushes hard, even harder maybe than when he was young. It should be delightful to see, except Bill's whole body and mind is directed at the answer he will give.

Ford's face has this look. _I will make a terrible mistake._

Except that he takes Bill's hand in his, and squeezes hard. So he doesn't make a mistake, in the end.


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Nevanna for staying and betaing this fic all the way, I asked when it was meant to be a one-short first.
> 
> And thanks to everyone for reading it until the end!

The huge pyramid form of Bill, which is actually just an animated rock, returns to the trolls. There is some applause, which Bill transmits by magic, for Old Fez and Ford to hear.

Then the big pebble sits close to the mountain and feigns sleep. And here it is! A perfectly functional god as trolls see it: it's stone and it does nothing!

"Where are we going?" Stan asks.

"Gravity Falls for a while, I think. After so long in the sea, I feel like the boat needs checks."

Bill would like to be able to assure them he magically did all the checks, but the truth is, he didn't bother. And now he won't. 

"Maybe we can see Fiddleford on the way," Ford proposes, "tell him we're okay." 

"Wait," Stan interrupts. "Did you really send for McGucket?"

"Of course I did!" Bill retorts, indignant. "What do you think exactly? That all of this was planned or something?"

It was... maybe credible? But well, as much as he loves to lie, he doesn't want Ford to feel betrayed again, especially for all the wrong reasons. Even if he promised not to lock him up in a box this time.

McGucket will probably still want to kill him. And Pine Tree will be so angry! Bill already gets ready to get very smug about getting Ford. Again. Maybe he'll even drink that horrible truth serum again and swear he won't hurt Ford? It will teach him a lesson about being deadly wrong! And Shooting Star will be glad!

"Well, McGucket will tell us," Stan says. He doesn't trust Bill either, even if he isn't trying to kill him right now.

But Ford takes Bill's hand again, and... he trusts him, or he wants to. Bill doesn't know which one he likes best.

"By the way!" he trumpets. "I want a little bit of intimacy with my boyfriend, the one that I haven't brainwashed, nor kidnapped... well, not for a long time anyway!"

He even politely lets Stan stay here and steer his boat, since he likes it, and drags Ford besides him. But Sixer is willing, he really is. Maybe blushing a bit, but it's good.

"What do you want?" he asks.

Bill has to think about it. Lots of things. His mind is still a black hole of wants. But he must have learned to prioritize.

"Tell me," he then asks. "Tell me what you feel for me. Why you said yes. Tell me everything you think about me. Mostly the good parts, though."

Ford's face is still bright red, and Bill loves it. He floats to his arms and waits for Ford to hold him. He doesn't wait long. Ford's fingers first play a bit along his edges, and then, when he sees it doesn't bother Bill, his arms catch him, put him against his chest. It feels good.

Bill is still waiting, though.

"I don't know what you are," Ford starts. "First I thought that you were perfect, and you weren't, and then I thought that you were an incredible mastermind, pulling my strings since forever, but you improvised most of it, and that you were aiming at redemption, and then that you just played with me but... you're not a real god. You can fail and you can be wrong, and you can change, and I had to reconsider everything."

Bill thinks that Ford has a really high opinion of gods, but as he used it in the past, he can't complain. He could have done with something more flattering, but hey, he's the one who asked. Also, he hopes there are other reasons.

"What I mean is, I must confess I had had very often a wrong opinion of you. I hope that this time... I hope that I can trust you. I have to admit I don't, not really. I can't believe in you again. I can only hope. It's okay, I guess? Thank you for saving me here. Not because it made me love you - it doesn't work that way - but for giving me this hope. Sometimes I wonder if I ever loved you. But it's not because the feelings were not here, it's just because I couldn't figure what _you_ is. So sometimes I also wonder if I ever stopped loving you."

He pauses, the continues. "Still wanted to kill you, though. You deserved it." It may be a joke. Bill is not sure. If it is, it gives him the right to a free joke in an otherwise serious conversation, he hopes.

But not right now. He doesn't want to stop this moment.

"Tell me more," he says softly. "I love this. Even if I'm not sure this is the good part."

"I still want to understand you and learn more about who you really are. I just hope it will be good."

"It will be. Mostly. I love you."

"And you?" Ford asks. "How did you know?"

Bill feels like it's an unfair question. "It's all very complicated. I don't know what it is like for you humans, born in it, used to it..."

Ford looks a bit sad for a moment, and Bill must admit that, with the family he had, his words were a bit indelicate. But Ford used to have romance novels and tv shows, at least.

Finally Ford chooses to joke. "I thought you were back to knowing everything?"

"It hasn't changed anything about my feelings for you," Bill says honestly. "I still want to stay with you. I want you to love and admire me, and I'll protect you from everything if it means it's what I have to do, even myself."

Ford kisses him on the side, just above the eye, and Bill loves it very, very much.

He can forgive Ford everything. He can even almost forgive the Axolotl being right about all this promise for redemption thing. Even if he's sure he's laughing a pink, frilly laugh right now.


End file.
